Heidi Wolfgang Schwartz

Ok I've washed my hair and put on a big shirt there is no mental illness in this body (Credit: jess_cavers)

Every day is a reminder that the United States would rather gouge its own brain out than vote for a woman.

💯

You make thousands of choices everyday but the first should always be kindness

The corporate world just won't let me be a sleepy witch in peace.

Main stream media: *says anything* Me: (Picture of Ron Burgundy from Anchorman) I don't believe you.

Socializing is wild now. You don't know who around you thinks you don't deserve rights. (Credit: theheatherashley)

(Written in crayon) work is so fucking hard holy shit (Crayon drawing of ... A dog? It's cute.)

Shoutout to everyone who works hard to support their dog's extravagant lifestyle.

I am a mature adult. I am a mature adult. I am a mature adult. (Article title) Hubble just spotted something massive coming out of Uranus

What I'm gonna do tonight Cancel plans and watch murder shows at home

Wow! Those decals look so realistic! (White truck with flame decals coming from the hood, a hood which is also definitely for real on fire. There's a lot of smoke and flames.)

I crave gloomy fall days. (Dark forest with bright red leaves on the ground and some of the trees)

You're NOT too SENSITIVE. That's NOT a THING. (Colorful illustration of a woman with a cup of coffee/tea, crying, with bunnies and a bird, all surrounded by flowers and plants)

(2 panel comic) Woman texting: Babe, I'm not in a good place right now 😞 Man texting reply: are you in The United States of America (Credit: @zachmcclintic)

For my next trick (Blue wizard hat covered in moon and stars) I will self-isolate (Credit: Giulia Hartz)

A message to my enemies. (Photo of a cute floofy bird in the snow with one foot on a mouse.)

oh man another day of not doing laundry and it's so thrilling... what garbage outfit will I throw together tomorrow? will tomorrow finally be the day I buy more laundry sauce? stay tuned for the next episode of I Am A Bad Adult (Credit: @holy_schnitt)

i can't right now, i'm doing hot girl shit. (Drawing of hands with black olives on each finger of one hand and Bugles on each finger of the other hand.)

I need a white girl with a nose ring to tell me what planets are making me sad Hi! I gotchu. It's Earth.

When someone comes for me for standing up for the rights of all humans (Ron Swanson) I regret nothing. The end.

considerthishippie: "Instead of just looking up into the sky, you're actually gazing down into the infinite cosmic abyss, with only gravity holding you onto the surface of the earth." bendydicks: "oh" rachelisaflameprincess: "I was not prepared for that"

Love it 🌟🌕

Dear Young Adults, You can leave. If you don't like your doctor, walk out in the middle of your appointment. Leave the party. End the date. Don't wait until the "polite" time to leave or endure because you think you'll make a scene. You can go. (Credit: erinstwitsexual)

I think some of my not-so-young adults could hear this too.

Inside me are two separate yet equally important wolves. One who investigates crime, and another who prosecutes the offenders. These are their stories. (Credit: @thisone0verhere)

"Start your week off right by fleeing into the forest with no intention of ever returning."

Soft girl era is dead. Rage girl era, rise up against the government girl era is in. (Credit: hm.wolfe)

Him: Did you adopt your dog? Me: No, he's my biological dog. (Credit: @Gooooats)

Being ready is a myth. You start. You suck. You figure it out. You get better.

I hate when people ask me "what did you do today?" Like buddy listen I woke up at noon and then it was five pm okay I don't kn o w (Credit: @maryjennaa)

What ever happened to personality!!! I want decorative towels that aren't boring!!! I want NOVELTY!! I want people to come over to my house and look at my trinkets and immediately think this lady is a wacko and also her stuff is haunted (Credit: dizzyallaround)