Mollie Goodfellow

I believe in us

if I don’t have a substantial, reciprocal crush this year I’m gonna lose it

Oof. I just read your post in the most uncharitable, pedantic way possible, and I gotta tell ya: it's not looking good for you.

Pic of smug Garfield, he loves lasagne and hates Mondays

lasagne for dinner

“The nominees for the Lidl Prize for Bravery in the face of Adversity are:”

I don’t think we’ve stopped enough to laugh long enough about the fact that FIFA invented a peace prize

Jackson @tree_bro Follow *knocks on door* Mrs Smith? I'm from Army. Your son got owned in Iraq. He showed great valor in the face of epic fail. Semper fi or whatecer 4:20 PM • Jul 22, 2011

This tweet preceeds and anticipates deaths in Operation Epic Fury by almost 15 years

This is the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me

poster whose brother changes the oil in the orphan crushing machine: whoa there, don't be so quick to judge. he has bills to pay

Imagine hating me and I’m just at home eating mini eggs and watching Kavanagh QC

George Osborne sending out a few texts to find out how he can apply to be the next Ayatollah

Image of claymore sword inside prohibited circle. Text: Join the 3 day no Claymore challenge February 29, 30, 31

Whenever I lower a window blind using one of those blind cords I imaging myself lowering the sails on a pirate ship xxx

Very good

I’m a scholar

“She’s wearing a blouse”

“She wore a blewse”

The past tense of blouse is blewse

they’re finally paying tribute to Dick Cheney

At least with the Iraq war, they prepared a dossier

A Hennimore sketch where he mixes up the euthanasia pod and the full body cleanse pod

Sure if you want me to call the police

Maybe big healthcare was paid off by big ricotta

Same but it’s actually alright you know

Do you think when healthcare started referring to thrush discharge as “cottage cheese like” the cottage cheese industry were like “aww come on man”

yes-sickos.jpeg

The funniest thing would be if the Labour Party also got arrested today

Just watched a video from a woman doing a PSA about pickpockets in Italy and she goes “you will find pickpockets even dressed up as tourists” oh you mean they wear normal clothes like regular people and not like a black and white striped top, eye mask and a beige sack with a dollar sign on it

Gesundheit

it’s actually spelled matthew