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never fucking again

bpd x bpd romantic relationships are tumultuous af

how do u even find a balance between overcommunicating v. just keeping things to yourself… like ive been on both sides now im just confused

then be told i’m lovebombing and manipulating? HELLO I LIKED U until i didnt

i tried so hard to be vulnerable and emotionally mature in my first wlw experience but that literally meant nothing lmaoooooo…. it’s so odd to feel like you’re understood by someone but then that all goes away within seconds

woah i used to be crashing out bad on here #medicated #therapy

the day someone proposes to me will be the best day of my life, cant wait to be loved and that reassure me i am capable and worthy of it

im scared that one day im gonna get triggered so bad i do end up kms

i’ll love him forever bro this shit hurts so much my heart is shattered

im trying so hard not to cut myself rn

im gonna mail him a really freaky love letter in 6 months

im staying single
for as long as i can

sigh

my chest is tight everything about today is so uncomfortable bro wtf

grieving the person i couldve been

dealing with someone that has bpd is draining but omg at least you can walk away from it 😭😭😭 i have to live w this shit

FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK

past year i dead been feelin like im just now becoming extremely aware of myself

woah i dont think ive ever been sane since trauma thats kinda scary. i feel like i just gained consciousness and been on autopilot for years.

just remembered when i’d take benadryl extra strength every night whilst going thru a breakup w a narcissist but i stopped cus one day i took too much and wasn’t able to sleep because i was so dizzy and nauseous and saw the hat man i was scared for my life. mane i just wanted to SLEEP

one day im going to rid myself of this demonic device and only contact others thru calls and emails

i wish phones never existed

i hope my future partner can tell me that they’re not scared of me even after i crash out like please recognize im not myself please dont run away

its taking me 20mins to eat my now cold japchae cus i keep getting side tracked by fucking everything :/ and i still havent found a youtube video to watch while i eat and im too lazy to get up and heat it so ill eat it cold fuck it

sometimes i think i have high functioning adhd… women’s symptoms arent really recorded but FUCK i wish i had the resources to get properly tested for everything

still nice to organize my thoughts.. everytime i talk to myself in my head i can only hear different parts of sentences that all contribute to one topic/idea im trying to convey but my brain is moving 1000x speed.. writing down slows it a bit but i do still be losing track of thought

but then i freak out and shut down when the convo doesn’t go according to plan lmaooo, im glad i can recognize it so i can change this behaviour but DAMN

writing out my thoughts before conversations really helps but it’s so clear i have control issues cus everything i would write is EXACTLY what’d i say down to the cadence

all of my reactions to my triggers are just my 11 year old brain processing it lol

i rid my memories of cocsa all the damn time i’ll unpack that when i get older lol