Tom Meiron

Ten thousand years ago some dipshit realized that if he planted seeds food would sprout up, and suddenly a species that evolved in small bands of a few dozen people started living in cities of thousands.

Every act of history since has been us trying to solve that problem and only making it worse.

This is just the apocalyptic equivalent of edging.

You dared to horse, so now you get HORSE.

'Mecha-Hitler works for the Department of Defense' is going to be one of those things I'm going to have a lot of problems explaining when I go back to the past to save the timeline, huh.

Oh neat, lead in the local water supply. Maybe the brain damage will keep me from contemplating our declining living standards.

I dunno man. I just...I'm not sure I've got any more anger in the tank. I think I'm just old and sad.

Trying to find meaning in a dying world.

'I had your job when I was in high school'

Cool. I'm forty, and this is my career.

I like that it took roughing up a senator for the democrats to finally wake up for a minute or two.

'iF iT cOuLd HaPpEn To Us, It CoUlD hApPeN tO yOu!'

Yeah, no fucking shit guys. Welcome to like, five months ago.

If anything, more cars should be on fire.

I need to go pick up some bread to go with this circus.

Me thinking about the future at the turn of the century: "Oh man everything's going to be so cool in the future! I hope I live long enough to see real space travel!"

Me thinking about the future now: "WHEEL OF APOCALYPSE TURN TURN TURN, TEACH ME THE FEAR THAT I SHALL LEARN!"

You wanted to build Data, you're afraid of building Skynet, but all you're really going to build is the blind idiot god Azathoth.

My toxic trait is that I think Mass Effect 2 is the worst Mass Effect game, and that Andromeda is the best.

I never fully memorized my times tables in grade school. But it's all good because I did gain an encyclopedic knowledge of Power Rangers monsters.

Should've been turtle pope.

It's going to suck when I can only afford 2 to 3 wild boars.

...He's never beating the Antichrist allegations.

Diet martial law: half the calories, still bad for you.

Oblivion traded in potato faces for gravel skin. I don't think pores should be casting their own shadows quite that much, guys.

RFK's comments are how it starts.

Make it stop make it stop make it stop make it sTOP MAKE IT STOP MAKE IT STOP MAKE IT STOP *MAKE IT STOP MAKE IT STOP MAKE IT STOP MAKE ITSTOPMAKEITSTOPMAKEITSTOPMAKEITSTOP*

MAKE. IT. STOP.

You decided to start bringing back extinct creatures and your first choice, of course, was to go for a Pleistocene Park's equivalent to the velociraptor.

BRB, checking the calorie count on tree bark.

I've been humming 'Komm susser tod' all afternoon for some reason.

'We've decided that it would actually be better if the peasants had neither bread nor circuses'

in conclusion, rofl

furthermore, lmao

lol

APRIL FOOLS, you didn't survive that plane flight.

Also you didn't go to the good place.