@splat-man.bsky.social
my apologies…i was under the assumption that i understood things
i have sex like clockwork. old-timey clockwork. meaning it’s mechanical. and batteries are sometimes required. and hands are in the wrong place. and the timing is off. and
29.10.2025 14:08 — 👍 150 🔁 37 💬 8 📌 1in portland, there’s a 50/50 chance whether a stroller’s full of cans or babies. i just stand there like, “cans or babies, cans or babies,” and i always win.
29.10.2025 21:13 — 👍 29 🔁 7 💬 3 📌 0your selfie made my friends vagina dry up. my friends a dude.
29.10.2025 13:43 — 👍 57 🔁 17 💬 11 📌 2
A lush garden with a gazebo and it says imagine eating a big sandwich here
Wednesday motivation
29.10.2025 13:54 — 👍 42 🔁 12 💬 2 📌 0I would like to start a Halloween candy rumor this year that someone is handing out Skittles that are laced with fentanyl. Please support.
29.10.2025 15:43 — 👍 36 🔁 15 💬 5 📌 0added a confetti launcher to my old bidet and now its a biyay
29.10.2025 15:20 — 👍 149 🔁 41 💬 13 📌 0Just a silly little goose with silly goose thoughts
29.10.2025 03:46 — 👍 72 🔁 18 💬 9 📌 0ME: Finally watched "FishFucker"
THEM: You mean Guillermo del Toro's Oscar-winning "The Shape of Water"?
ME: That's the one
Come here so I can bite you
28.10.2025 01:56 — 👍 73 🔁 21 💬 10 📌 1
Spaghetti forming a 69
there were no signs
so i made one.
I'll rest in peace when I wanna.
28.10.2025 03:50 — 👍 23 🔁 11 💬 2 📌 0Kidnap me like you mean it or don’t kidnap me at all
28.10.2025 01:04 — 👍 82 🔁 25 💬 0 📌 0They should invent a life that has something to look forward to
28.10.2025 03:51 — 👍 128 🔁 38 💬 10 📌 1Shoving a bacon cheeseburger into my mouth just to feel something.
27.10.2025 23:44 — 👍 26 🔁 11 💬 0 📌 0Did you really eat shredded cheese if you didn’t eat a handful straight from the bag?
27.10.2025 22:42 — 👍 31 🔁 3 💬 7 📌 0Your porn star name is the last thing you ate and the color of your underwear.
I’m Milky Way Blue
Your porn star name is the last thing you ate and the color of your underwear.
i’m mcdonald’s black
A Richard scarry worm in an apple car and it says you got a fast car. I got a plan to get us out of here.
Monday motivation
27.10.2025 15:43 — 👍 86 🔁 13 💬 1 📌 0it’s science
27.10.2025 17:16 — 👍 0 🔁 0 💬 0 📌 0Trillions in government money to billionaires?
Free market!
Any amount to those in need?
Social welfare!
lol my job trying to get me to come in using bully tactics. Guess what? I’m poor with or with out you.
27.10.2025 16:08 — 👍 33 🔁 3 💬 2 📌 01. Set alarm.
2. Wake up hours before alarm.
3. Keep checking time every two minutes to see how close it is to alarm time.
Eating white trash comfort food because sometimes I need it
26.10.2025 23:20 — 👍 100 🔁 16 💬 9 📌 0The most awkward part of dating is waiting for them to fill out the post-coitus survey for the first time
27.10.2025 00:22 — 👍 90 🔁 22 💬 10 📌 3I just want someone I can make out with while we listen to punk rock
27.10.2025 03:36 — 👍 113 🔁 30 💬 9 📌 0You be doom and I'll be gloom..happily ever after.
27.10.2025 03:56 — 👍 43 🔁 15 💬 4 📌 0I'm not sure why any of you voluntarily subject yourself to my bullshit, but I appreciate it
27.10.2025 00:24 — 👍 124 🔁 21 💬 13 📌 0Nothing scarier than the Sunday scaries.
27.10.2025 03:22 — 👍 14 🔁 7 💬 0 📌 0you are more than enough
27.10.2025 02:49 — 👍 27 🔁 11 💬 2 📌 0hey,maybe we should just make a list of WHO HASN’T experienced childhood trauma
26.10.2025 22:39 — 👍 118 🔁 45 💬 6 📌 0
