Cardbordeaux Sommelier

the far side should have panels before and after the main one so you know what led up to it and what happened after

My favorite aspect of the Columbus legend is him getting rejected by the Portuguese gets spun as them not recognizing the genius of his idea. No - he went into a roomful of expert navigators and made basic math mistakes, they thought he was a moron, and they wouldn't fund his idea on that basis.

A tumblr post that reads "WHo would have believed that the perfect wikipedia photo caption could have been improved upon?" Two identical images are then side by side. The first caption is "Piper Kerr, a member of the Scottis National Antarctix Expedition, plays the bagpipes for an indifferent penguin, March 1904". The Caption for the image on the left reads, "Piper Kerr (right), a member of the Scottis National Antarctix Expedition, plays the bagpipes for an indifferent penguin, March 1904"

i feel like i need to share this oldie but a goodie today

if someone threw a shuriken at my head I would angle it so that it struck my hypothalamus and triggered a second puberty causing me to become taller and stronger

gene kelly is antifa

In prison, Israeli guards told him again and again they had killed his entire family as psychological torture meant to break him. When he walked up the stairs of his home today, his wife rushed into his arms, with his children and parents beside her - alive, waiting, delirious with joy and relief.

As a side note, even today with cell phones, it is very useful to still memorise two phone numbers: your medical next of kin and a lawyer. like I’m just saying

that’s worth doing

This is why those banking on the Israeli "opposition" convince very few...

Yair Lapid, head of Israel's opposition:

"Those who demonstrated against Israel in London, Rome, Paris... were deceived by propaganda... The truth is, there was no genocide, no intentional starvation."

seriously fuck this guy

Screenshot from Columbo. He his talking to his dog, which is sitting is the drivers seat of a car. “Okay, I’m gonna put you in charge. You take care of the car. You’re a responsible dog. When I get back, if the car’s okay, I’ll give you another cookie.”

“If the car’s gone,”

“I’ll give you another cookie anyway”

“because I love you.”

Happy Columbo’s Day

If my tweets require you to constantly google, you should find someone to follow who speaks your language, instead of complaining to me. I, personally, myself, individually, dgaf. This is not a safe space.

this is why i’m irritated by “they can’t refuse to follow orders, but they don’t want to be there & some of them are just picking up litter & helping with groceries & not working” while meanwhile whole kinds of people straight up are like “i am scared to go outside because i might get disappeared.”

A miracle they’re still alive. Elated for their families. Can’t help but think of all the hostages who would have also come home two years ago had Netanyahu chosen his own people over his thirst for war.

Thread, and related to a conversation with an old friend (and one of the best execs of the cable era) who said "These streaming bosses don't understand, there's no formula to a hit show, but there is a recipe."

tweet by ymm square reading im sorry if anyone things the nipples are too big im drawing this for myself to masturbate to so i cant compromise on that

good evening

Every once in awhile when I'm high ill call a number from back in the day and it's always someone else not who had that number back in high school and I'm like yo did you steal Lonnie's house and they're like who the fuck is Lonnie

few ideas have damaged the average psyche more than ‘the customer is always right.’ it should be a little bit humiliating, being a customer. you should walk into any service transaction knowing that the other person, and not you, is in control over whether you get your treats

The actual quote is “in matters of taste, the customer is always right” so yeah let that lady buy a hideous hat.

According to anecdote when the first McDonald’s was open in Moscow the employee asked why they had to be nice? after all Theyre the ones with the burgers…

I do think it's underdiscussed just how much climate denial today is performative white masculinity

Did people really memorize phone numbers before cell phones, or is that just a movie thing? 2? Questions I was watching some old shows from the 90s and noticed people would just dial numbers from memory - like they'd call their friends or family without looking anything up. Made me wonder if that was actually normal back then? Did people genuinely have all their important numbers memorized, or did most folks keep a little address book or written list nearby?

If anyone needs me I will be in the museum, lying down next to the bog bodies.

Eyeballing Jack Reacher right now. Big guy, obviously, but I don't think he sees me coming. As a henchman, this is the sort of moment that makes or breaks your career. I think I should go for it.

going2hell4everythingbutbeingbi yall gotta learn the difference between "this character is an asshole" and "this character was supposed to be super cool but the author is an asshole" and "this character is a teenage girl who was mean once" 30,570 notes

If you’re feeling sinister send this to an Ana Mardoll reply guy

Misha Collins was queerbating from the very beginning. He can't stop doing it. It's just always been in his nature.

caught my vampire neighbor creeping through my front door. he claims my saying “for sure dude, we should definitely hang out sometime” the other night counts as an invitation, but I disagree. we’re on hold with the etiquette hotline

I love when people discover that everything they've ever eaten is just brassica wearing a funny mustache disguise

15 years of every C suite going “we need to fire the skilled workers and do more internet” and this is how every business works now.

You know that old study that showed that a whole lot of dudes would confess to rape as long as you described the circumstances without using the word “rape”?

turns out a whole lot of folks will happily describe Israelis using Nazi rhetoric as long as they’re too illiterate to recognize it as such

Business Insider headline reads: UPS is telling customers that their packages coming to the US are marked for destruction.

About a month ago, the Trump administration got rid of the de minimis exemption, whereby packages valued under $800 could slide in without import duties. Now there's a backlog as the government can't process all of this paperwork, leading to UPS just destroying packages

Can't take credit for the awesome Amphifa logo, but the one I designed is free to use!

Here's a png with no background. You can buy sticker paper everywhere and use a normal printer to print them out!

Terrified he died but delighted that it’s just him talking about cocaine