Barry Jive and the Uptown Five

We’re all about to get the Fluggen-kliggin-kein from Eurotrip, aren’t we?

In Soviet Russia movie captions you!

Nothing is as timeless as a Yakov Smirnoff joke.

“… now let’s talk rust-proofing.”

Like fucking Grandpa Simpson talking about tying an onion to his belt.

Lately, I like to start each morning by going outside, looking out towards the rising sun, taking a deep breath, and screaming “Fuck this shit!” At the top of my lungs. Really helps to center me.

Assume they’re up for some sort of cabinet position. Susan Collins will no doubt be concerned.

But Red, White, and Blueland, it just rolls off the tongue.

@andrew3000.bsky.social Can things get dumber? Sadly, we both know the answer

www.congress.gov/bill/119th-c...

Well, it’d probably involve Drake trying to come at Kendrick again.

This has to be the dumbest timeline, right?

Sure you’re cool. But are you Captain Hastings chilling on a park bench cool?

It’s cute how my everyday anxieties, and now larger existential dread are competing for my attention.

100K eggs stolen from central Pa. supplier The eggs taken from the back of a distribution trailer in Franklin County are worth about $40,000.

I see someone has already read my spec screenplay

www.pennlive.com/crime/2025/0...

a cartoon says we 've tried nothing and were all out of ideas ALT: a cartoon says we 've tried nothing and were all out of ideas

There’s always a Simpson’s reference for the moment

Watching the Celtics of late is quite the rollercoaster ride, in that it makes me nauseous.

The Town 2—but instead of stealing bags of cash from Fenway Park, this time it’s pallets of eggs from Market Basket.

a man standing in front of a red door with a bicycle hanging on the wall ALT: a man standing in front of a red door with a bicycle hanging on the wall

How it seemingly feels to wake up and read the news each day this week

two men standing next to each other in a living room with a lamp on the floor ALT: two men standing next to each other in a living room with a lamp on the floor

Rewatches of Happy Endings are good for the soul.

So when a team other than the Eagles run that type of sneak is it still a “tush push” or is it off brand? A “bum scrum,” for example

*whispers defiantly
“tush push”

I still won’t finish Eraserhead

@oso-fabuloso.bsky.social

👋

Absolutely laughable.

/long sigh

Watching the Pats at this point to see if/how Drake Maye is improving. The rest of the team essentially makes me want to walk into traffic.

Time for the best sandwich of the year

The Chiefs are that guy in your fantasy league that is in first place despite having the third worst points for.

two men are sitting at a table and one is wearing a striped shirt ALT: two men are sitting at a table and one is wearing a striped shirt

I believe that’s called a “Costanza”

@andrew3000.bsky.social Thankful for the Fotomat this man brought to town. And with luck, a JC Penny in the coming year