Adderstane

Exiled to Rockall until the charges are brought.

Hewn from untreated oak. Not sanded. Pillow made of the manliest granite.

Make sure he's served the papers on the toilet.

So your wife didn't look at the box and think "We're not expecting any deliveries, I didn't order anything, whose name is on the box?"

If you like bacon in sarnies
And getting caught in the caff,
If you quite like hamburgers
And think that nut roasts are naff

Phew, I made something in time for Halloween!

Hey, whatever floats your ghost.

[Scene is the entrance cabin to a NATIONAL TRUST PROPERTY AND GARDENS] 1 NATIONAL TRUST EMPLOYEE [inside cabin]: Hello there 2 [A young family - two parents two kids - have arrived at the front desk]. DAD: Hi - do you have an activity trail, for the kids? 3 NT EMPLOYEE: Of course – you’re just in time for the Autumn Gammon Trail! 4 MUM: That sounds fun, doesn’t it kids? 5 NT EMPLOYEE [handing an activity sheet and pencils to the kids]: Every autumn, the Reform Trust gammons flock back to the National Trust for the AGM. Just follow the trail round the grounds, and see how many you can spot! 6 NT EMPLOYEE [hearing something in the gardens]: Listen - that's their call [Calls emanating from the landscape]: tut-tut woke-woke 7 NT EMPLOYEE [showing the family an apparently empty fenced enclosure with some bushes in]: They are extremely sensitive and fragile... But you can bring them out of hiding if you put a little sign down mentioning slavery. 8 KIDS [pointing]: There they are! [Some little red faced PEOPLE wearing Barbour jackets and gilets emerge cautiously from the bushes. They are creeping towards a TINY SIGN in the middle of the enclosure]. [Little people noises]: woke-woke tut-tut woke-woke 9 [Close-up of the TINY SIGN - we can read that it says]: Slavery had a bit to do with building this massive house. [Noises from the little people again as they inspect the tiny sign]: tut-tut woke-woke 10 MUM [pointing]: What's that one doing there? NT EMPLOYEE: Oh, that's so sweet… 11 [We see that one of the people is sat on a rock, with a little laptop open on a tree stump, and they are furiously typing away]. NT EMPLOYEE: I think he's writing a column for the Daily Telegraph… 12 [We see close up to the little person’s screen, it is a word document reading]: Are National Trust scones secretly WOKE? [ends]

If you're a National Trust member, it's that time of year again: Midnight tonight is the deadline. It's a shame people have to keep doing this to keep a toehold on historical truth in this country, but here we are. Voting link: www.nationaltrust.org.uk/who-we-are/a...

Putting the "rump" into "Rump Parliament".

It's a bit used and the stains will be difficult to remove.

It'll be a burst so loud it'll set off seismometers.

Fesshole screenshot: I may have nearly knocked out my gynecologist by shooting a speculum at his head. It wasn't my fault. He made me laugh, my muscles contracted, and suddenly my twat was a cannon.

It's the Fesshole/Vagina Museum crossover event you've all been waiting for. Tons of you tagged us into this across all of our socials, asking for a fact-check. The consensus of the reply guys is that it Didn't Happen. However, this is in fact very possible. Here's why...

Is he a werewolf?

Every day is a good day to re-up this mapybara: bsky.app/profile/jont...

This is M. Khan-grade news.

Print of a cartoon by Stephen Collins. Script as follows: [Scene is ANCIENT GREECE - where SOCRATES and PLATO and others are sitting round, thinking] 1 SOCRATES: Plato.. PLATO: Yes Socrates? 2 SOCRATES: Can you tell me, are you human? PLATO: Why… yes, Socrates 3 SOCRATES: And would you agree, Plato, that a human knows what a chariot is? PLATO: Um, yep 4 SOCRATES: So you can tell me, then 5 [Socrates produces a papyrus, showing a drawing of the corner of a chariot wheel] SOCRATES: *Is that a chariot*? 6 PLATO: Well that’s more just a bit of wheel 7 SOCRATES: So not a *chariot*. PLATO: No. 8 SOCRATES: [Producing another papyrus with the full drawing of the chariot, chopped into boxes] So if a man were challenged to “tap the boxes containing chariots to prove you’re human” when he was just trying to check his ClubCard points... *where could he tap*? 9 PLATO: Well you can’t tap any of them really 10 SOCRATES: So are we not human? PLATO: ‘Spose not. 11 [Bleak pause] 12 PLATO: I’ll get the hemlock SOCRATES: Yeah [ends]

New print in my shop for the philosophically inclined!

(Shop link in bio)

Teal'c, a central character from Stargate SG-1, saying "Things will not calm down, Daniel Jackson. They will, in fact, calm up."

Then things calm up.

Live action or (re-)animation?

Maybe he knows he's on the way out and intends to use it as a mausoleum, surrounded by gold-painted tat for eternity.

And a gold throne. It'll all be so tacky, the ghost of Louis XIV will appear and say "Bit much, mate, tone it down."

I've seen a flat in a rough area of Edinburgh that ended up that way. Burned out, "Beast" graffiti.

What a weird name for a dog. But sorry for their loss.

And a "grit your teeth" one.

ATTENTION PARENTS: is your child texting about stealing from the Louvre? know the signs:

RTFM: robbing the famous museum
LMAO: looting my ass off
LSTCDTS: let's see Tom Cruise do this shit
MLM: Mona Lisa's mine

A sushi place sign saying "Sushi Thai Wok" picturing the little clown fish "Nemo".

There's a sushi place in Stockholm that implies which fish they use...

I've provided a new Strontium Dog drawing to be auctioned for @alderheycharity.org 's Children's Charity. Please share! Details as follows:

You're asking him to... not cheat?
First time for everything, I guess.

Sunblest we forget.

The Gestalt of Consequences.
Faces eaten by leopards (figuratively and literally), merged into a single entity. It now it goes around muttering "Well, I didn't vote for this" with its dozens of voices.

"Heathcliff, it's me, I'm Cathy
I've come home, I'm so cold
Let me in-a-your window..."