Jesse B.

The Only Way (Is the Wrong Way) - 2009 Remastered Version

open.spotify.com/track/6G4ic4...

Yay plane.

Well, I guess I’m going to Katsucon. This should be interesting.

Well, that Super Bowl result sucked, but the Seahawks were very much the better team.

Our defense kept us in longer than we should have been. Drake had a bad game, but so have a lot of great QBs on that stage. Our O-Line is improved from last season, but clearly not there yet.

Onto next season.

Anyway, I woke up half-convinced this anime really existed and tried to look up “Evangelion beast girl murder scene.” I am pleasantly happy to report that this scene is not real, however have questions as to why my brain decided to dream this fever dream fuckery.

Puked blood on another. This, for reasons that would later be the evil plot of an evil being, led to all the women in the chateau going effectively 28 days later rage mode, and murdering everyone and everything in sight, but also turning into catgirl style like half beasts??

Yes, I was sober btw.

For reference, the initial vibe of this “anime” was a kind of walking dead, post-apocalyptic environment where a group of like 20 survivors or so banded together and took up shelter in an abandoned cabin chateau in Indiana. Everything was fine until one woman suddenly got sick, ran outside, and-

That moment when you have a dream about an anime, and are convinced it’s so real, you have to find it.

For the record, my dream state tried to insinuate it was Evangelion, but I don’t think Eva had a scene where a bunch of women in a house turn into half-beasts, go feral, and kill each other.

There are some moments in my life where I consider going back to church, and this is one of those moments.

To be very clear, this has nothing to do with current events. This is strictly personal. Any relation to current events is coincidental.

Few things unnerve me quite like having a dream about an ex, especially one where things did not end amicably or peacefully.

Ugh.

a man in a suit and tie is clapping his hands together . ALT: a man in a suit and tie is clapping his hands together .

My DM just hit me with a fantastic pick up line/dad joke. I was telling a story about getting a bottle of Hennessy for my bday and he hits me with this:

DM: Jesse are you a hot chick?
Me: no, why?
DM: cause you’re the only Hen I see. :D

Tbh, it’s a situation where a body cam would absolutely clear up the entire story, which I dunno if ICE agents are required to wear body cams, but if they are, well… it’s pretty obvious why they went with the cell phone footage.

The reality is that this video really won’t change any minds, if for nothing else than there isn’t clear cut and decisive footage of the officer getting hit.

But officer chud here definitely put himself in a situation where he was creating an opportunity for use of lethal force, which is worse.

I've never owned, let alone fired a gun before. I'm terrified of guns and I often worry about using one to take my own life if I were to have the worst day of my life.

The events of today with ICE and the country falling into fascism is making me strongly reconsider that stance, and I hate that.

Words cannot express how much I want to see every single ICE agent get Nuremberg'd and jailed, at fucking bare minimum.

Today is the last day that you can repost this image

YouTube video by The Late Show with Stephen Colbert Stephen Colbert Joins The Mountain Goats To Perform 'This Year'

youtu.be/T_qkVPZ8DJI?...

Thanks, @polaristar.bsky.social

YouTube video by The West Wing Toby Stands Up for Homeless Veterans | The West Wing

Christmas Eve and this both my favorite Christmas song and my favorite Christmas scene in TV.

Rum Pum Pum Pum Pum.

www.youtube.com/watch?v=k5Yn...

The fact that Madonna's "Ray of Light" never got a licensed DDR release will be one of the biggest dance game failures in the entire genre.

I'm listening to this stupid fucking Trump speech, and ffs, I picked wrong time to embrace sobriety.

Remember what they took from us.

YouTube video by BombayBicycleVEVO Bombay Bicycle Club - Everything Else Has Gone Wrong (Official Video)

I guess I'll close out on this. A song lyric I've quoted before, but I think it fits now.

"And yes I found my second wind
And yes I found some hope again
And yes I found my peace again
And yes I found my second wind"

www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZF0L...

I want to keep seeing my therapist and maybe, just maybe, resolve all the backlogged personal trauma and pain that I've never correctly resolved, and tried to fix through maladaptive behaviors and coping mechanisms. I want to try not to lose my job lol.

For my 40s, I just want to to do better.

I also want to re-explore my hobbies that I loved. I want to get back into streaming again, even if it's to a crowd of one or two. I want to get back into playing dance games again, even if I suck now. I want to maybe find new things, even if I don't know what those new things are yet.

I also need to take care of myself. I've said that before, but that need to do so has become a lot louder.

I need to start exercising again, so I think I'll start back on my rowing machine again beginning tomorrow. I want to explore sobriety for a bit. Not sure I'll succeed, but I'd like to try.

And that last one is important because it has made me realize that I need to be grateful for the people in my life who want to be a part of it and still are, and not necessarily the people that I wish (still) were or people who feel they have entitlement to it. I need to recognize toxicity better.

I kind of always dreaded the entire of turning 40 because in terms of life, it felt like my time on this Earth was effectively half-over. I still kind of feel that way, tbh.

Having said that, my 40th birthday could not have gone better and I'm grateful for the people who made it special.

It is yet another year where I want to say happy birthday to @alessandrotb.bsky.social @polaristar.bsky.social @goodspooky.bsky.social and @mandymew.bsky.social! Hope you all have a fantastic day today. :)

Do not go gentle into that good night,
Old age should burn and rave at close of day;
Rage, rage against the dying of the light.

Dear @racingloufc.com

Tomorrow is my birthday. Please post some cool news on my birthday. It would be awesome.

-Jesse