J. Michael Mull

something tells me it'll never catch on

first day in the senate, I'm challenging Markwayne Mullin to a duel at dawn

No cheating, your last saved pic of a celebrity is your therapist.

Mom, come pick me up, the best lack all conviction and the worst are full of passionate intensity.

please stop calling it a smartphone. I know what you use it for

was trying to shorten Follow The Money to FTM but that acronym is apparently already spoken for

that Saudi prince convinced him it'll be over and done by the time the stock market opened on Monday 🤷🏻‍♂️

Groundbreaking Discovery! Actual news sources exist besides the New York Times

Review: ⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️

a quality slow-burn character study dense with subtext is right up my alley. If you don't mind subtitles, it gets my highest recommendation. This is the first on my list of Oscar nominated movies to watch, and it's going to be hard to top.

poster for the movie The Secret Agent. protagonist (I assume) standing under a stylish looking Brazilian pay phone from 1977 when the film is set. I've never seen the movie, so I can't describe exactly what he's doing other than talking. There are pictures of people up behind him that may be political ads of the time.

Oscar Viewing Party For One - Tonight's Nominee:
The Secret Agent | Directed by Kleber Mendonça Filho

I live in the land of tavern style pizza; it’s fine. One place nearby tasted almost, sorta, kinda, if you squinted your eyes, like New York style I grew up on. Last week, new ownership took over (never a good sign), and now it tastes like chain slop. Once again, I’ve been out-pizza’ed by the Hut 😭

March Madness

THIS ENERGY PLZ 🏆

Hi, it's me again. I'm asking anybody with any actual sway to support Juliana Stratton in the Illinois senate primary race. It's March 17th, but you can also vote by mail before then. Please and thank you, once again.

Got three “handsome dog” remarks from passersby on my walk today. One of them just said “handsome” so I’m keeping that one for myself

love setting a reminder for 11PM instead of 11AM like I meant to. love it so much. I'm a smart boy

in England and several other countries, arugula is called "rocket." It sounds so aggressively American that I am genuinely shocked we aren't the ones using it

RIP to True Love. Deepest condolences to Andy Samberg at this time

Happy March Fools Day to us all

There are two types of people in this world: those who place the divider after their groceries, proving they understand the social contract, and the other being shit

Since we’re 25 years into this thing, one New Year’s resolution of mine is to live in the 21st century. No more colorized 1920s YouTube footage or Cheers reruns. I can only consume media (how modern; next I’ll be saying content) from 2001 on. As of March 1st, I’ve seen *drum roll please* zero movies

googling if real: sex tape

Hi, my name is Coy Demure and I'm the world's shyest drag queen, and I'm here to slay. Can I go back to my room now?!?

getting blasted back to the Stone Age as a do-over

I was going to take a short walk as I have infinite things to do, but I’m now 2.5 hours into it. Might turn back soon. Can’t say for sure

Due to a combination of cognitive distortions and a fragile sense of self, I regretfully won't be able to attend your one year old's destination birthday.

Please stop wasting your time being disappointed in Democratic senators who choke on Netanyahu’s cock for campaign cash. They are bought-and-paid-for cowards who will never change

when he lost one Supreme Court decision, it was only a matter of days before he had to tantrum and murder some brown people to soothe his ego

YouTube video by Lou Reed - Topic Slip Away (A Warning)

Slip Away (A Warning) | Lou Reed + John Cale

I try to mark the passing of certain people on the anniversary of their death, but I always end up missing it. Lou Reed released a tribute song to Andy Warhol, who passed away on February 22nd, three years after the fact, so at least I’m in good company