Derek Sheen

I like to imagine there’s a basement in Beast’s castle, just crawling with weird personal belongings he hid out of embarrassment, that also came to life when he was cursed.
“Hi! I’m Tammy! I’m an expired tube of prescription ointment for plaque psoriasis. I wrote a song about it. Here it goes…”

Pete Hegseth's murderous buffoonery, coming amid a lifetime in which he's betrayed everyone close to him and failed up from one disaster to the next, is a perfect example of how the appeal of Trumpism is that it creates a permission structure for people to openly be their worst selves

I simply wish the press would just ask, “okay. You wanna google what states those are? We’ll wait”.

This is a party made up of people who only read the dust jackets of books.

This is basically like inviting a kid to your birthday party and when they show up, it’s just you and five of your friends waiting to ambush and beat the shit out of him…Kevin.

HAHAHAOMG Men are so dumb!!

Real ‘open mic’ leadership vibes.

At least we’ll get to watch the anti-Christ shit himself to death on live television.

This administration needs to be dragged behind a tank until they stop leaving a stain.
(Eats a Snickers…nothing changes. Still feels the same)

Man, this is like if Nathan Fielder did a Dumb World War III.

The Ayatollah just died. I heard they regenerate and the third one will have a whimsical taste for jelly bellies, science-related puns, and wear a top hat.

This insane, totally incompetent administration needs to crippled completely before they kill us all.

We should all be worried if a desiccated corpse can be a 3d term president. Otherwise, I think we’ll be okay.

Tonsil stones. He was spitting them all over the podium during the SOTU. It’s a sign that his tonsils are infected, probably explaining why he’s receiving intravenous injections in his hands. He’s probably also battling pneumonia.

The year is 2046: A group of masked TrumpCorp officials shoot protestors at the health casino. A reporter from FreePressWithCBS asks Don Jr's VP for life JD Vance about the shooting:
"Unfortunately, this, is a problem we inherited from the Biden administration"

The key word here is “former” because we have a current president who has been much closer.

“Couch Fucking Meat Shield Wants To Defund Wisconsin Healthcare”-should be the headline.

Jesus, did Fetterman fuck a Cub Scout?

I think we should encourage him to try this for real and lower those flags in advance.

Spread this FAR AND WIDE.

Trump: "'President, I'd love to kiss you' -- this is a very powerful man. I don't want to be kissed my that man. But a very powerful, strong man ... he said, 'Sir, I want to kiss you so badly.' And I said, 'No thank you.'"

Jesus, this is like watching Lenny Bruce near the end.

Jesus, he’s giving Abe Simpson-level incoherent rambling.

“Wayne Dingus” is the sound a slide trombone makes when it impersonates a horse whinny.

Trump reaches up and pulls down an old banged up can of Yuban coffee from the tariff shelf. He pulls off the lid and removes the gun, wrapped in a kitchen towel, that was hiding inside…

Is it fair to say that the Trump regime is actually dumber than President Camacho's government in Idiocracy? Camacho, after all, ultimately empowers a smart guy (Luke Wilson) to actually solve society's problems. Ain't no Luke Wilson among the grifters and sycophants that surround Trump these days.

All I’m saying is, some of you have been a little hasty in writing phrenology off as a science.

What an about like a pink triangle, or some kind of tattoo that signifies we’re officially registered so we no longer need our IDs?

It’s like how the Bluth’s do an impression of a chicken.