ShameSpear

If you're at the airport and Kristi Noem is doing the ominous little message from the TSA screens, you no longer have to do anything she says. Leave your laptop in the case, whatever.

Which of the steaks are you marinating in the midori

If any shipping company thinks that the trump admin will pay out insurance money ever I have a very safe passage through the straight of Hormuz to sell you.

So the Falcons will sign him and a rookie QB this year?

Experiencing
Technical difficulties
Won’t you please stand by?

- a broadcast network haiku

Illustration of a blue and black hare with large ears. The inside of it’s ears have hypnotizing concentric shapes pulsating in pink, blue, green, and yellow.

Do you hear what I hear?

A children's hospital is renamed for Dolly Parton and hopes to transform pediatric care in Tennessee Dolly Parton’s name might inspire full-throated sing-a-longs to her working woman’s anthem “9 to 5,” or evoke memories of thrilling days spent at her Dollywood theme park.

“Dolly Parton Children’s Hospital did not share how much Parton donated as part of the naming announcement. But Matt Schaefer, its president and CEO, said her support would ensure ‘every child who walks through our doors receives the treatment they deserve.’”

GOD BLESS DOLLY PARTON

One day I hope this will feel outdated.

We’re nowhere near there yet.

"The men implicated in the Epstein files reinforces that I spend half my life explaining to men that their simplified, optimistic view of other men doesn’t line up with the experience of women and girls trying to dodge sexual harassment, assault and abuse attempts." - Leslie Morgan Steiner

when I say I’m on the apps I mean potato skins

Tweet that reads Leo Xander @STALLEON Stop taking social media so serious. Nothing here is real. Look at this chicken V - it is bigger than the car

I think about this tweet every time I feel something online start to curl its annoying little grip into my head

This guy gets it.

I HAVE SEEN ENOUGH. AS GOVERNOR OF THE FREE WORLD, I, GAVIN C. NEWSOM, AM OFFICIALLY BANNING "KID ROCK" FROM CALIFORNIA. HIS SHIRTLESS VIDEO WITH "SECRETARY BRAINWORM" WAS INAPPROPRIATE, CREEPY, AND VERY LOW ENERGY. NOT WHAT YOU WANT AROUND OUR CHILDREN! ALSO, SOME OF THE WEAKEST PUSHUPS EVER WITNESSED. CALIFORNIA ONLY ALLOWS WINNERS! I AM ALSO BANNING WORKING OUT IN JEANS, VERY STRANGE! THANK YOU FOR YOUR ATTENTION TO THIS MATTER! — GOVERNOR GCN

I HAVE SEEN ENOUGH. AS GOVERNOR OF THE FREE WORLD, I, GAVIN C. NEWSOM, AM OFFICIALLY BANNING "KID ROCK" FROM CALIFORNIA.

i guess you could say today's supreme court ruling is pretty... tariffic

[everyone boos and throws produce at me, someone vomits]

He was rare, like a dog wearing a monocle.

Reporter: Do aliens exist?

Obama: *chuckles* Technically no, a time ghoul is from Earth. Just not today’s Earth

A grey rat playing a guitar on a pink cloud

Got this in my head when I was playing with chalk on the driveway with the kid. Really happy with how it turned out

Oh, the grand old duke of york
He ██████████████████
He ██████████████████
And he ██████████████████

we couldn't use government funds to buy coffee (like, folgers ground coffee) when i worked on a CDC outbreak emergency response

One of the things that personally drives me crazy in the U.S. is how youth sports/athletic activities went from a part of the public good (municipal leagues and fields! rec centers! public parks!) to a privatized, expensive, highly competitive, highly structured pursuit for wealthy kids’ résumés

this is why the whole “oh, suffering creates great art” thing is bullshit

you know what’s conducive to art? a roof over your head and food on the table

you know what isn’t? stressing out over where the fuck the rent money is going to come from

Hemingway was once bet that he couldn’t write the world’s happiest short story in just 5 words. He replied,

ClearSky displaying jay.bsky.team’s ‘Blocking’ tab, which contains only nutsling.bsky.social

the CEO of BlueSky blocks exactly one account and this is it

One of the wisest things Homer ever did was put the crayon back after hearing the unmuffled noise of the world