Undergradd

Slowly making progress on a video I’m editing and I had to cobble together this monstrosity just to make sure I wasn’t crazy. It does indeed work.

You think the first person to ever start their car by popping the clutch was confused or excited? “Yo man, you turn your car on and start driving but today I started driving and THEN I turned the car on!”

Me: *can’t concentrate on shit, can’t focus to save my life, simple tasks are a challenge like I was deprived of oxygen as kid or something*

Also me: “Yeah I SHOULD do a multicam project in Final Cut!”

I need more coffee for this.

#finalcutpro

We no longer say “apples and oranges” it’s now “plums and peaches”.

The appropriate serving size for any candy is exactly 1 tummy ache.

My parents: “I need you to look through this box of papers and trinkets that may be yours. Or your brother’s. Or sister’s.”

Me: “Just throw it out”

Them: “But!…but…”

I’ve literally never needed or missed anything since moving out over 20 years ago. TRUST ME you can rest easy tossing it.

*Trumpets sound, 4 Horseman riding across the sky*

Nobody:

LinkedIn: “Here’s 3 things the apocalypse taught me about business.”

Con: Everyone caught COVID so we’ve been stuck at home and physically miserable.

Pro: Used sick time and WFH days so my gas tank will make it another week.

His full Christian name is actually Winifred the Poop.

High School: If the teacher isn’t there within 15 minutes, you can leave for the period.

Grown-up job: When 3 out of 4 emails you’ve sent today get an automated out-of-office reply, you can leave for the day.

My wife say I have a weird palate, especially when describing food. I think it’s just all those years of drugs before I finally got sober: my liver made it out in tact, my taste buds not so much.

Brown rice actually tastes like the color blue.

I will not be elaborating at this time.

Statistically speaking, there had to be more than one set of cheaters at that Coldplay concert, right? You think they said “Phew! Glad that wasn’t us, right babe?” and just kept on, or did they get their act together and stop that foolishness?

Thank GOODNESS I was wrong about this movie.

Fucking tell me about it 😢

I’m still hopeful but the new Superman movie feels like a rehash of Batman v Superman with the whole geopolitical plot line.

He intervenes abroad and the government wants answers. Cue wheelchair explosion scene probably.

#superman

Reporter: “Your Holiness, what’s your favorite death by animal in the Bible?”

Pope Leo XIV: “When God punished the children for mocking Elisha with…DAAAA BEARS”

As a dad, I need to remind myself that language matters. I shouldn’t drop F-bombs around my 1 year old, nor should I refer to grape Gatorade as “purple drank”.

Nintendo: “Hey wanna go to the dance with me on April 9?”

Potential Switch 2 Buyers: “Yes!”

Nintendo: “Okay, well…I’ll let you know.”

Buyers: “Wait, what?”

It’s not a WaveBird unless it comes from the WaveBird region of France, otherwise it’s just a wireless GameCube controller.

#NSO #nintendoswitch2

I’m at the point where my bank app doesn’t show me an actual number anymore and just says “You a broke ass bitch” every time I check my account balance.

Waiting on the Switch version of Assassin’s Creed Shadows to drop so I can play in 720p/13FPS in handheld.

I’m not a rich man but 12 year old Gameboy playing me would impressed with 40 year old me’s stash of rechargeable AA batteries.

Why do Boomers love saying “I should be in your system” when interacting with anyone in retail or a service industry? I asked your name and you respond by shouting “I have an account already!”? I might have a record of you somewhere, but we’ll never know without your FUCKING name, buddy.

No bigger slap in the face than when you’re huffing and puffing though a workout that feels like 10/10 exertion and at the end your watch says “Effort: Moderate”

🫠

I’m a millennial. Of course I have a Death Cab For Cutie Tattoo.

In the 90s: *27 inch TV in the living room that everyone watched from halfway across the room on the couch in 240i resolution* “The future is now!”

2025: *3 feet back from a 100 inch 4k screen that drops one single solitary frame* “This is fucking bullshit…”

Cleaning up some old drives and random folders and I came across my assignments readings from grad school.

Calling my therapist ASAP for this PTSD that just hit.

I end every conversation with ChatGPT with a genuine “Thanks! It worked!” in the hopes that it won’t murder me when it eventually turns into Ultron.

Dear Final Cut Pro,

It’s the 21st century. Just let me manually move my viewer window from one display to another. We have the technology…

Hugs and kisses