Grant Tanaka

I sing the cat a song called "Thank You For Being a Cat" which shares the tune of the Golden Girls theme.

omg two t’s [bites lip]

thank you my most loyal subject

[giving treats to dog]
thank you for not being people

Cumin is my favorite spice that looks like what a hillbilly yells at the conclusion of coitus.

When folks say they don't 'give a rats ass' I am known to remind them that it's 'rat's ass' (because the apostrophe makes 'the ass' possessed by 'the rat').

It is very windy on the deck but my tomatoes are hanging on for dear life. Oh wait maybe that’s me.

stop trying to gerrymander Asstown

White House official inadvertently reveals plans to send elite army unit to Portland Anthony Salisbury displayed chat about deployment of 82nd airborne division on cell phone while in Minnesota

Imagine the reaction -not just from Fox News but from the networks & major dailies- if the Biden administration had repeatedly allowed high-level classified information to slip into the public domain www.theguardian.com/us-news/2025...

raise your hand if your life was changed forever by Mmm Cheese

You guessed I had to be there in such a convincing way that I knew you weren't guessing and I hereby christen this time machine the I'm Ready To Laugh Now

Wake up and place a message and throw the bottle as far as you can

Excuse me while I slip into a catatonic state

Downton Abbey: The Grand Finale
Downton Abbey: The Next Generation
Downton Abbey: The Crawley's Strike Back
Downton Abbey: The Return of Lady Edith
Downton Abbey: The Farewell Tour

Farting is your butthole's way of telling your bladder that, "Two can play at this game".

I may not be able to help you connect to the wifi but I can adjust the tracking on yer VCR

bailiff: all rise. the ppl of NYC vs the producer of Law & Order

judge: state your last name

dick, tearing up: wolf

judge: are you…are you crying, wolf?

dick : shut up YOU’RE CRYING

judge: let the record show this dick was raised by wolves

bailiff: uh oh he’s dun-dun

*annnnnnd send 👻*

todd broke up with his girlfriend cuz he never had a good comeback. but then he rejoinder . folks,,,

WARNING: do not make ChatGPT’s homemade Kool-Aid recipe the combination of ingredients is toxic

Tuxedo cat is sleeping sshhh

Sshhh 😴

Gotta go turn on the driveway light so the spider has some dinner

The most challenging part of cooking is calculating the number of people I am.

I've reached the age where adventures cease rollicking

Life is short. Take the cannoli.

Managed to activate my debit card without completely losing my shit.

He’s a 10 but still hangs out in the man cave he assembled in the garage during covid

makes a starter pack just to exclude ppl who didn't include me in theirs

where's the ai for glasses that never get dirty

I refuse to believe I’m in denial.