involuntaryorange

Smut for thee but not for me 😞

I lived in SoCal for a few years and while it's certainly nice for the weather to be gorgeous year round, it's disconcerting on a very fundamental level to not have seasons to orient yourself.

Gentle reminder that you don't have to fully boycott Amazon, just stop making it your default. Need socks? Lots of places sell socks. Need printer paper? Need rye flour? Many other options.

"This startup only sells through Amazon!"

Okay, buy that but don't buy the sneakers and coffee beans.

(though I will say that the upside of my 20s position was that I didn't vote for Rod Blagojevich)

me at 20: voting straight democratic ticket is for losers, it is important to look at what each candidate believes about all the issues

me at 40: *filling in all the D bubbles like I didn't study for the SAT*

legs too skinny

www.lauren-blair.com
Someday I will get a tattoo from her but in the meantime she sells prints!

In the story of Humpty Dumpty it is never said that he is an egg. However, it is never said that he is NOT an egg. This means that any character in ANY story could be an egg unless explicitly stated otherwise. Keep that in mind when you read a Jack Reacher novel

(to be clear, this is a joke about influencer-speak, I am not criticizing you for liking your child)

Are you OBSESSED?

(I have not watched "Send Help" but I have listened to the Blank Check episode about it, which has affirmed my judgement that it is unfortunately Not For Me)

I assumed this was about "Send Help"

If only you'd gone with "rubicon" instead, they'd be scratching their heads trying to figure out the metaphor!

Animorphs cover of a person turning into a horse

Reading a fic that included the sentence "he began to slowly ungulate"

(Dear Theodosia starts playing)

-Lazy egg & cheese sandwich (egg scrambled & microwaved in a pyrex custard cup, put on toast with an american cheese single)
-Steel cut oats w/ maple syrup (can't go back to instant oatmeal after trying the real thing — it reheats well)
-Pumpernickel toast w/ cream cheese and smoked salmon

You show up to the interview and it turns out it's Cutco

"up to zero leaks" implies that you will definitely not have any leaks, but they can't rule out a negative number of leaks. If you use the tampons, liquids may start pouring into your body

Neurodivergent T. Rex confirmed

Ooh, how lovely! Have an amazing time!

I've looked into this already because I have a very clingy cat, and it turns out they make "post-mastectomy pillows" that are basically padded chest armor that can protect you from unruly cats

By "people" I assume you mean "men"

Thank you!

You too! What birthday freebies from businesses will you be getting today?

A bag of alleged "trail mix" that is about 80% marbits

Truly insane ratio in this trail mix

The obvious joke here is "The Kitt," but I'm going to go with "The Litt[erbox]"

Update: went with fabric, now just need to finish all the decorative hand-stitching

A tasteful holiday scene

I could put them under my pillow and maybe the nipple fairy will take them and leave me $20

Only 4 more months of hauling around these stupid bags of pointless tissue!