Emily Engelhardt

After 11PM on a Saturday is for finding a single man of good fortune in want of a wife.

Someone is calling my work phone after 11PM on Saturday night, I am not answering my personal phone at this hour so like…who is calling me?!

a man in a robe says go jags obviously in front of a bookshelf ALT: a man in a robe says go jags obviously in front of a bookshelf

My favorite part of the Winter Olympics is watching Erin Jackson in speed skating:
1. I can yell JACKSONVILLE like I’m Jason Mendoza
2. Because “I know her” because we’re both former roller derby people but actually no, I do not know her.

a woman wearing a tiara and a necklace is smiling for the camera . ALT: a woman wearing a tiara and a necklace is smiling for the camera .

I love Lady Bridgerton in that I am both vexed by my sons and I, as a married woman, still say things to my mother than make her do spit takes.

Matt paused Bridgerton and demanded I show my work.

Watching the new season of Bridgerton: Everyone knows reformed rakes make the best husbands
Me: hashtag facts
Matt: WHAT

😱😱😱 that off ramp is a rough one!!

Worked today and only had a couple of panicked moments out in my CR-V. Had to remind myself that in 2010 I drove to clinicals in more snow than this in a Toyota Camry.

I have determined the Holy Spirit will move me to dinner plans in Aldi’s tomorrow based on the availability of various proteins. Also: corn.

I am trying to make a grocery list for my weekly grocery shopping tomorrow but what I hear is that there is Nothing at the grocery store and how do I plan what to make for dinner if I don’t know I’ll be able to buy anything?!

I asked Wally if he would run errands with me tomorrow and he was reticent until I suggested A Little Treat might be in the cards and now he’s pumped and also I feel confident he’s mine.

Wally and his friend declared a song from Joseph and the Amazing Technicolor Dreamcoat “cringe” and I don’t know how to break it to you kids, you’re decided to do musical theatre, it’s all cringe.

Does he realize we are not in the right tax bracket to get invited to Barclay? No.
Does he know there are not actually Barclay classes publicly available in Pittsburgh? No.
Will this threat work? Hopefully!
Follow me for more parenting advice based on very specific threats.

I have threatened my son that if he does not start demonstrating some table manners I will sign him up for Barclay class and explained them to him in excruciating detail.

10/10 cheeks

I would like to know where I can find Big Anise and have them stop ruining teas I get.

Me, having viewed like 100,000 hours of “The Thundermans”: is the fact they keep Dr.Closso as a pet bunny a kidnapping/human rights violation?
Matt, who has also watched too much “The Thundermans”: you’ve officially put more thought into this than anyone writing on this show.

a woman in a pink jacket says i 'm not like a regular mom ALT: a woman in a pink jacket says i 'm not like a regular mom

“Wally, do you want to learn about covered bridges?”
“No.”
“Too bad.”
In case you’re curious what I’m like as a parent.

Mad because I told him he has to wait until tomorrow and open his stocking with everyone else

Santa came and went and my children are still not asleep

Me: Looking at the drafts coming from the writer’s room so far, I’m not sure 2026 is shaping up to be a good season. The plot is a stretch and they’re really digging up some old characters here.
Matt: When they start running out of plot ideas usually the writers just add another kid.

a ground squirrel standing on its hind legs on a wooden railing ALT: a ground squirrel standing on its hind legs on a wooden railing

It’s only Monday and this is where I am at so far.

When they pick up our recycling this week the neighbors are going to think we had a rager because of all the empty cans…I guess you can call “dumping expired cans out from the basement fridge” a snowy evening rager.

A woman sits on her sofa with a dog. There is an undecorated Christmas tree in the background.

It is snowing outside. Things that need to happen outside of my house have happened. This is my plan for the rest of the day.

We must ask to make sure the EHR is right! You’d be surprised how often it is not!

A patient once asked when I was due and I asked “due with what?” And when she informed me “well, you’re pregnant” I told her “no I’m not.” I let her sit with that for about 30 seconds before laughing maniacally because I was, in fact, like 34 weeks pregnant. I hope she learned to mind her business.

THAT IS NOT LITURGICAL LIVING

I don’t care if you’re putting up a nativity scene or advent wreath, you people are still putting up Christmas decorations before Thanksgiving and that is too early.

HWAT

Having the sort of week where I’m going to start masking not because I’m worried about viral spread but because I’m worried about the spread of my inside thoughts to the facial expression on the lower half of my face.