De’Vile Mortis

I’m just really not good with online socialization. I NEED in person connections or I just feel.. out.

I work hard to do big things and get some sort of notoriety so people HAVE to look at me.. but it never feels good enough. I feel so far from everyone in every way possible. My husband can’t always be the only person I’m close to. I know it’s not healthy.

Shitty feeling constant failing to become closer to anyone in the town I live in and feeling further from my friends in Columbus. I always struggle with feeling like a background person in peoples lives, no matter what I do.

I take care of my teeth. I brush them, floss, and use mouthwash twice a day, but yet my teeth are chipping for no reason and I’m pretty sure I have gum disease. Like how tf do I do everything right to take care of my teeth and my body just say “nah” to that? And not being able to get help for it???

I haven’t seen a dentist in over 2 years bc I lost my insurance TWICE, and even when I DID have insurance, nowhere where I live took the insurance I had (Medicaid) and I couldn’t travel easily to go to appointments in the city.

Really need to see a dentist, don’t have insurance or $$$ to see a dentist.

I hate America.

Running on 2 hours of sleep, been up since 4:45am, been at work since 5am, after work I have to do like an hour or two of choreo practice and THEN back to sewing 😭 I’m exhausted

Like we can literally tear you apart with these screenshots and LITERAL recordings of you talking about this shit LMAO

Like you block us after we don’t want to deal with your double sided fakeness and go RIGHT BACK to those transphobic pieces of human shit and start saying shit ALL OVER again WITH them bc we didn’t want to be friends with you after catching you being a snake.

Imagine getting caught being chummy with garbage transphobic people who create false drama and have had legal action threatened against them and still trying to be friends with us and sending us voice messages that you don’t like or fuck with those people and we literally HAVE the recordings

You figured it would be easy as someone who is photosensitive… but making a video for a performance without strobes is hard 😭 there’s still some mild flashes but not full on strobes. I’m less than a minute into the video too RIP

Tbh I don’t care if the person you’re dating is an “adult”, you shouldn’t be dating someone younger than your own CHILD.
Like you’re dating a 20y/o with a 22y/o kid???

My worbla finally came in!!
I didn’t know it smelled like that LMAO

Choreo after work even tho I feel like doodoo

Me: you have a couple shows coming up that really need attention to what you’re doing-
Also me: hehe big number idea I wanna do that has nothing to do with any booked show that’s all I can think about

She also offered to give me a ride home today on my way out and she’s always been a nice boss but not THIS nice.. what’s going on

My boss says she wants to chat with me tomorrow and that it’s nothing bad and I’m over here still anxious thinking it’s a trap 😶

Literally a week before a show with no confirmed cast is crazy

Fell asleep at 7:30 last night and just woke up for work 💀 district manager is coming in today wish us luck

Never thought I’d get flashed by a bartender/server at a bar when it wasn’t a burlesque show but that’s a first

Had to go back to work (work at a hospital) and in the 15 minutes I was inside someone had broken one of the sliding door windows (I assume threw a rock) and I had to message my boss about it 😬

Can it stop being sweaty balls outside yet?

I want to SEE the concert.. but I don’t wanna GO to the concert 😭😭

And that’s INCLUDING two more inquiry reminders two weeks apart

I’m like, trying to NOT be upset because in the long run it’s NOT the end of the world.. but come on.

Not getting a message back at all for a time sensitive thing for almost an entire month is crazy (still nothing)

I haven’t been able to find the remote for my LED lights above my desk for like two weeks now. Either a cat knocked it around somewhere or someone misplaced it 😭😭

Cyrus making my heart monitor go up LMAO like yeah I’m gay doc- he also just says stupid shit, LOVE that man

I haven’t been complimented on my breathing technique in 12 years 😌

Breath control during my testing was impeccable bc I used to be an opera major hehe nice