chris heasman

*picks up chair leg*

now listen here Gracchus you little shit

My name is Ozymandias, King of Kings. Look on my works and let me know if you have any questions! 🤗

In light of the publication of this truly brilliant cover story by NS, I figured I should share my own (now very much outdated but still relevant, imo) piece about the state of British republicanism:

medium.com/@christopher...

I once wrote an article for /Film about cancelled SW projects and I think if I had to add this story to it I’d probably commit ritual self-disembowelment out of frustration and dismay

Coyote vs Acme level stupidity. Like, actual bath-salts-up-the-nose stuff. How can any human being could turn down this project yet stake the entire franchise on The Mandalorian and Grogu?

been lighting my house with the power of the differential between fans' reactions to this song and that Taylor Swift album

are you guys in some kind of contract or

compositionally, though, tracks like “Jungle Boy,” “Rain in the Dark,” “I’m in Jail Forever” and “Suncream Don’t Understand” blow Tay Tay out of the water. Sorry

I’m not going to say the song lyrics my 7 year old writes are better than the stuff on this new Taylor Swift album, but they’re not really worse, either

congrats to the Scottish Greens on retaining my membership fee for the forseeable future

£40 for 300 words at your scale is absolutely fine. Anyone who claims that 30ppw is the industry norm is insanely out of touch

a woman is sitting at a table in a living room talking to a man . ALT: a woman is sitting at a table in a living room talking to a man .

vibes

"I just want to say, go birds, fuck ICE and free Palestine," "Hacks" star Hannah Einbinder at the #Emmys

UKLG said it best: “stylistically ordinary”

I edit people’s writing for a living and I’m grieved to report that this excerpt from JK Rowling’s latest “novel” has caused me to suffer a catastrophic stroke

[the shooter is unidentified] the left must be purged with the sword

[the shooter is, again, a compulsive masturbator who loved Hitler] I believe it was pascal who said that the heart has reasons that reason may not know

he was doing the very act that gave birth to this nation—racism

surely that can't be the case though. history tells us-

*checks history*

oh, no

All of these actors are richer than most of us will ever hope to be, yet they still fuck over the trans community for money. Same goes for Hugh Laurie, Matthew Macfadyen, Riz Ahmed, Michelle Gomez, and the rest of the rotten heap. Remember that, next time they ask you to support their projects.

Audible’s ‘Harry Potter’ Series Expands Cast With Keira Knightley, Kit Harington, James McAvoy, Simon Pegg and More Audible announced additional casting for its 'Harry Potter' audiobook series, including Keira Knightley, Kit Harington, James McAvoy and Simon Pegg.

Kit Harington, Keira Knightley, Iwan Rheon, Ruth Wilson, Ambika Mod, Leo Woodall, Simon Pegg, James McAvoy, Gemma Whelan, Matt Berry. More actors who'd rather take a payday from JK Rowling than give any kind of shit about trans people.

Keir Starmer's Labour Party:

hey im putting something together for my boss for his birthday. yeah can you write a letter or better yet an insane poem or horrifying drawing about the unspeakable crimes you all have committed together

Oh, she says well, you’re not a poor man. You know, why don’t you go online and buy a hundred envelopes and put them in the closet? And I says to her, I says, oh shit, you’re right. So I bought like fifty thousand envelopes. Filled the house with ‘em, toes to tits. It was horrible. We couldn’t take a step without tripping over a box of envelopes. We were going crazy trying to use them up, to make a little space for ourselves. Used them as toilet paper, coffee filters... it was a terrible time. Please don’t ask me about those goddamned awful envelopes ever again. Kurt Vonnegut

Kurt Vonnegut on buying an envelope

a man sitting in front of a monitor that says a on it ALT: a man sitting in front of a monitor that says a on it

Feels very much like Hawley hit gold with a certain type of character — the off-kilter, unstoppable demon freak — and decided to use a variant of him in every show he’s made since. Not complaining tho obviously

i am a simple man. when cat knock over plant, i smile

Had a lovely conversation with my partner this morning in which we sat down, had a cup of tea, chatted it through, and decided that Radiohead can fuck all the way off forever

#FreePalestine

Are you young, highly educated and driven, and want to contribute to our stagnant economy with its aging population and low productivity? Well out you go

I know we’re all running off hopium here but the WH schedule has always used “the president”

lookin’ good, Mr President!