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Brian Goetz

@briangoetz.bsky.social

Java Language Architect at Oracle. Author, Java Concurrency in Practice (http://amzn.to/2nzZnkl). Also, cats.

2,192 Followers  |  68 Following  |  339 Posts  |  Joined: 08.11.2024
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Posts by Brian Goetz (@briangoetz.bsky.social)

Channeling Colonel Jessup on the way out the door was a bold choice

05.03.2026 21:36 β€” πŸ‘ 1    πŸ” 0    πŸ’¬ 0    πŸ“Œ 0

But, understand the rhetorical trick here. He knows he isn't smart; he's taking away the "we're smarter than you" card by trying to redefine "smart" as "short attention span" and hoping you don't notice. And his audience loves it, for obvious reasons.

05.03.2026 15:36 β€” πŸ‘ 4    πŸ” 0    πŸ’¬ 0    πŸ“Œ 0

Because when you're walking the dog, you get permission to be a dog too. "Oooh, squirrel!" When it's just a regular human walk, you're stuck in your human frame.

05.03.2026 15:29 β€” πŸ‘ 0    πŸ” 0    πŸ’¬ 0    πŸ“Œ 0

And also: software devs may have made the tool, but surely it wasn't software devs that mindlessly took the recommendations of the robot and used them to kill people. Someone delegated their responsibility to an unqualified robot. Sure, scrap the robot, but let's not let that guy off the hook.

05.03.2026 15:26 β€” πŸ‘ 1    πŸ” 0    πŸ’¬ 0    πŸ“Œ 0

In specification comments (where this form is used exclusively), the toolchain will typecheck those uses to make sure they correspond to actual overloads. (When we first implemented this, we were both happy and sad at how many existing spec bugs it found.)

03.03.2026 22:13 β€” πŸ‘ 9    πŸ” 0    πŸ’¬ 0    πŸ“Œ 0

One of the clothing vendors I've bought from in the past (and which therefore will spam me forever) send me a mail whose subject is "New pants just dropped." There's not a hint of irony or punnery or snark in the actual mail, which makes me think that it was unintended and went unnoticed.

01.03.2026 18:19 β€” πŸ‘ 20    πŸ” 1    πŸ’¬ 2    πŸ“Œ 0

cruel to be kind

28.02.2026 22:53 β€” πŸ‘ 1    πŸ” 0    πŸ’¬ 0    πŸ“Œ 0

The remarkable thing about the Cybertruck is that it is a bottomless well of ridiculous. Every time I see one, I think "wow, that looks even dumber than I remember." Every time.

Being able to continuously confound the expectations of the most jaded observer? That's genius.

20.02.2026 20:30 β€” πŸ‘ 5    πŸ” 0    πŸ’¬ 0    πŸ“Œ 0

Or following the dashers around and reopening the door afterwards

13.02.2026 18:32 β€” πŸ‘ 1    πŸ” 0    πŸ’¬ 1    πŸ“Œ 0

So, at $11 per close, how many riders deliberately leaving the door open would it take to drain their subsidy chest?

13.02.2026 18:31 β€” πŸ‘ 2    πŸ” 0    πŸ’¬ 1    πŸ“Œ 0

It's spelled "cat"

12.02.2026 19:52 β€” πŸ‘ 3    πŸ” 0    πŸ’¬ 1    πŸ“Œ 0

And those who delight in reading them are pedofilephiles?

31.01.2026 13:03 β€” πŸ‘ 2    πŸ” 0    πŸ’¬ 0    πŸ“Œ 0

The human psyche is an unfathomable mystery…

25.01.2026 16:35 β€” πŸ‘ 0    πŸ” 0    πŸ’¬ 0    πŸ“Œ 0

What about capacitors, flywheels, and rechargeable batteries? Those are all power buffers...

18.01.2026 21:36 β€” πŸ‘ 9    πŸ” 0    πŸ’¬ 2    πŸ“Œ 0

If that was a serious question ... it is because they sense an opportunity to rewrite the power structure, of course with them on top (or a least a higher slot than they have now.)

They see themselves in a lower position in a world without AI than a world with, so of course AI is essential.

18.01.2026 14:46 β€” πŸ‘ 1    πŸ” 0    πŸ’¬ 0    πŸ“Œ 0
The Z Garbage Collector | In JDK 25 | Erik Γ–sterlund | Taylor & Franci This book explains how the Z Garbage Collector was designed, why it was designed this way, the common pitfalls to avoid when using ZGC in JDK 25 and how to get

After working on ZGC for a decade, I’m happy to announce that I’m publishing a book about ZGC in JDK 25. It ships 22 May (www.taylorfrancis.com/books/mono/1...) and is being published by Taylor & Francis. You should get a copy if you want to learn more about ZGC. It’s available for pre-order now.

15.01.2026 16:57 β€” πŸ‘ 31    πŸ” 9    πŸ’¬ 0    πŸ“Œ 2

Trust me, you are in no danger of being the splainaholic in the room

12.01.2026 21:31 β€” πŸ‘ 0    πŸ” 0    πŸ’¬ 0    πŸ“Œ 0

I've long wanted a dashboard like that that shows what percentage of the time each participant has been talking. (Pro feature add-on: a chess clock that limits your global talk time, and mutes you after you run out.)

12.01.2026 20:20 β€” πŸ‘ 1    πŸ” 0    πŸ’¬ 1    πŸ“Œ 0

There was a cartoon where there was a sidekick called Deflator Mouse and it took me years to get the joke.

11.01.2026 15:29 β€” πŸ‘ 1    πŸ” 0    πŸ’¬ 0    πŸ“Œ 0

I don't understand how people could think this is just about "inheritance in OO systems." It is about _subtyping_, which shows up in all sorts of type systems -- width subtyping for tuples, return-covariance for function types, etc.

07.01.2026 15:22 β€” πŸ‘ 15    πŸ” 0    πŸ’¬ 1    πŸ“Œ 0

He wants to steal the oil.

03.01.2026 16:43 β€” πŸ‘ 4    πŸ” 0    πŸ’¬ 0    πŸ“Œ 0

But those same people didn't value it before, either. It's just the LLM confirmed their bias that "it can't be that hard."

21.12.2025 14:51 β€” πŸ‘ 35    πŸ” 0    πŸ’¬ 1    πŸ“Œ 0

You now have a mission

21.12.2025 14:48 β€” πŸ‘ 3    πŸ” 0    πŸ’¬ 0    πŸ“Œ 0

Eventual consistency? Maybe some of the stars are still flowing through the messaging fabric.

21.12.2025 14:47 β€” πŸ‘ 7    πŸ” 0    πŸ’¬ 1    πŸ“Œ 0

Yeah, I miss the days when it was just reply-all.

18.12.2025 00:40 β€” πŸ‘ 0    πŸ” 0    πŸ’¬ 0    πŸ“Œ 0

Cruel trick: give a packaging addict a set of packages with cyclic dependencies.

17.12.2025 14:12 β€” πŸ‘ 1    πŸ” 0    πŸ’¬ 1    πŸ“Œ 0

But you could take the floor model home today. Some people can't delay gratification.

14.12.2025 22:31 β€” πŸ‘ 2    πŸ” 0    πŸ’¬ 0    πŸ“Œ 0
Monty Python - Mattress Skit
YouTube video by thebrat307101 Monty Python - Mattress Skit

Following in the long tradition of mattress-related absurdity

www.youtube.com/watch?v=rGEe...

14.12.2025 22:30 β€” πŸ‘ 2    πŸ” 0    πŸ’¬ 0    πŸ“Œ 0

They are invested in the idea that AI years are like dog years. So they see it as staying 14 years, which is entirely respectable.

11.12.2025 19:58 β€” πŸ‘ 5    πŸ” 0    πŸ’¬ 0    πŸ“Œ 0

Funny how"AI hypemonger bro" is never on the lists of jobs that AI hypemonger bros claim are about to be AI'ed away.

11.12.2025 15:02 β€” πŸ‘ 8    πŸ” 1    πŸ’¬ 1    πŸ“Œ 0