fishn't

*meows incomprehensibly*

to quell fears and hearts, i'm not on the edge. i'm not some paper that can be blown off a ledge. it's kinda poetic, and also kind of true. but fear not, i worry more about you. fear for me all you want, ill be here, from end to start. i'll exist, around and loved. Me and you until time do us part.

in the past, i kinda passed 🏳️‍⚧️. now i'm back in the closet, deadass. I try to be as genuine as I can, to the real me, the one who I want to see in the mirror. Now I simply contemplate the trigger. Not really, it's a half lie. It's not as if I actively want to die. Life isn't too rough, i'm lucky.

people often tell me i blame myself too much, i'm too harsh on myself, that i am enough. but to be quite frank, i don't think i'm harsh enough. i have the means to change, the ability to get unstuck.

new year, new me.. okay, what the fuck?

no change has happened, and it's just like the last.

earlier today, i was in a conversation.
i was shy, i felt fragile and weak.

i had fun though, thanks for the speak.

i'm a introvert, this much is a given. when i reach out i can't help but feel like an annoyance.

to my friends, you kind souls are loved.
to myself though, you truly are a burden.

i wish i could feel for myself what others see in me.

the love & respect i'm given is thrown into one ear and out the other. it's not ignored, just not understood.

if i can't like myself how can others?

i can't take compliments for the most part. they fill me with anger on what cannot depart.

from the top to bottom is sewn with anger,
disgust is wagered, but is not catered.

mentally weighted, it is not stated,
the brain is fine, the body is hated.

maybe dysphoria is apart of the lock,
however it's just another cog inside the clock.

others see me, i see smoke.
my mirror is kinda broke

when you've spent years crafting yourself into who you think you want to be, and think you've reached that point, what's next?

the point of having a past time, is to pass time. when you lose that, everything becomes boring. if distractions are simply a escape, when do they turn into reality?

are you truly relaxing if you relax all the time? Or does it become the normal, and you must find a new thing to do to relax?

time and time again i find myself looking for answers that I already know the response to.

i'm exhausted, and sleep is no longer a comfort, much less a coping mechanism.

They can add me to the list if I find them lmao

how the fuck am I just finding out that @breehive.tv was the first trans creator I've ever watched?

I watched her ages before I came out, and now like 8 years later find out? I genuinely thought she was cis.

I can die happy, thank you ms bree.

Also, I got 午前 and 午後 confused DESPITE knowing the difference...

Oh and, I still haven't learned the days of the week yet...

何で、あたしは日本語読めないの？？
めっちゃ勉強した！！

まあ、それはちょっと嘘ですけど、黙ってください

I took the JLPT N5 test in Toronto last week, and what do you mean the listening portion was EASY? Listen I know the N5 test is "useless" but come on.. I wanted to test my skill level.

Also, apparently a bunch of people failed bc they used their phones?? My proctor hammered it into us we would fail

Why yes, it is 4:40 am.

It's November and it's THE SECOND BLIZZARD OF THIS MONTH.

I hate the weather in this state.

Not to be political,

but what even is politics anymore?

In October, Sam Altman announced CHATGPT EROTICA!

So the next logical steps are obviously,

"She planned what she was going to do to me with ChatGPT."

this is a joke, Ao3 exists.

that's pretty gay, ngl<3

@windrunner.bsky.social

you're pretty gay looking.

that's pretty cute, ngl.

Chat, there's no need to fear.
*cracks unironically large knuckles*
i'll beat the fear, using queers.
*picks up the queers*

Read and weep

women are so cute cause like wym you can just call them cute and they melt into a little puddle that you can just carry around?

does this include crime?

waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhh

"Having a willy just isn't my silly."

- fish, a trans woman

I used to love my shitty isekai.

Like genuinely I would watch isekai slop for hours on end, loved it to no end.

But this past year's anime has just been.. I don't know. I can't tell if my standards for shitty isekai have risen or if shitty isekai has just gotten worse.

Literally what is a "Europe" i don't know these terms.

shshshshshshhhhh

why are tapioca so tasty like wtf??

who came up with this shit cause it's so good

i should mention my last post had everything to do with the AWS outage and not me getting fucked.

just had to clarify.

literally getting edged & denied by amazon rn 💔