SeaTea

I had a dream last night that I was the last man on Earth. I was surprised by how many women kept their resolutions. 😡

a large monster is standing on top of a hill . Alt: a large monster is standing on top of a hill .

I swear I just heard Godzilla roaring outside.

Aurora Borealis

The Aurora Borealis is probably my favorite Borealis.

You frickin’ think so?

Every American embassy. Every military base. Every service member on leave. Every tourist. Every student abroad. Every aid worker. They all just became targets. Not because of what Iran does next but because of what different groups and a million radicalized individuals now feel justified doing.

What a time to be sober. (Evergreen post, but still.)

This is murder. ICE routinely deposits released detainees far from their home just to be cruel. It’s standard practice. To do this to a blind man on a wet cold winter day in Buffalo is to know you are potentially sending him to his death.

Lies I was told as a child:

- Churches are safe places
- The police will help you
- You're safe at school
- Everybody has the same shot at success/wealth

Doctor: So, what are you using for birth control?

Me: Usually black socks with sandals.

"Fetterman" is a German/Ashkenazi word that roughly translates as "Manchin."

Well, it’s a good thing we took out Iran’s top religious leader…

I mean, no democratic nation should be governed by the principles of a single state religion.

When somebody recommends a barbecue joint and adds that "a dude got stabbed there last week" you know you're headed for some world-class ribs.

I think you're right.

Three Greatest Inventions:

3. The Gutenberg press

2. The electric light bulb

1. The detach quote button

Granted! 🤴

If only he would gobble me up from my couch. I'm too lazy to drive over to the coast.

WARNING ‼️

Professor: Welcome to Bluesky @Reply 101. Today we will be dissecting jokes.

Student: Are there any prerequisites?

Prof: Good question. You must have never written a joke yourself on Bluesky.

Student: How long do we have to dissect jokes?

Prof: Until you have sucked every bit of joy out of it.

I was about to respond when I remembered that great old adage, “A bee does not waste its time explaining to a fly that honey is better than shit.”

🏆🏆🏆

“I would never dirty my hands by voting for the lesser of two evils,” he typed into a phone built by Chinese slave labor.

Miranda rights? but officer, I'm a Samantha

Is there a Nobel Peace Prize for the most wars?

Oh congratulations, Time magazine just named you Insidious Plague Upon the Earth of the Year.

Ever think about the fact that all the strife in the world is caused by a handful of assholes playing with everyone's lives.

And people who don't want any of it outnumber them by the billions, yet the people on the same side are divided by stupid shit so we do nothing about it?

I do.

The War Powers Resolution of 1973 (or Act) is a federal law intended to check the U.S. President's power to commit the military to armed conflict without Congressional consent unless they don't feel like it.

The heck with y'all. I like it. 😡

"My Life as a Furry in New York and LA: A Tail of Two Kitties."

Say what you will about me personally but any additional comments about the horse I rode in on you make at your extreme peril. 🤠