Dietrich Stogner

One of the rare treats that comes along with publishing a book about a bull semen heist is the Montgomery Burns-esque grin that oozes across my face when my new physical therapist asks what my book is about.

Quick reminder that yes, I did write a heist book about a pair of thieves trying to steal bull semen. Not a euphemism. It’s called Extraction.

“It’s fine, I have all the way until June before this book goes to the editor! That’s like…”

Counts weeks on calendar. Stares in shock. Vomits.

I nearly bought a Raspberry Pi today before scrambling back from that hyperfixation cliff as if my life depended on it.

Ranger, book three in the Alddarri Archives, release date announcement.

Is this payback for chapter 14? It is, isn’t it?

I’ve been thinking about the scene I wrote this morning for over three years. To say it ruined me would be a bit of an understatement, but there’s something indescribable about finally realizing such a massive moment in this nine book series.

I have many goals I’d like to realize as an author, but I think the peak will be having to awkwardly explain to a fan that they misspelled my character’s name on that tattoo. Dream big, everyone.

Pickle’s weather report: “THE GODS HAVE FORSAKEN US POSEIDON’S WRATH IS NIGH LOVE ME FATHER AS THE DARKNESS CLOSES IN!”

Translation: 20 mph winds and a bit of rain.

I’m about to enter my unhinged era for book promotion. If you can find the truck stop bathroom I’ve written the entire manuscript of my bull semen heist novel Extraction, there’ll be a fun easter egg for you.

Not that. That’s not the Easter egg. Don’t touch that.

Drake is the all-time biggest loser of a rap feud and that includes people who have gotten shot and died as a result of rap feuds

I don’t understand how anyone sees that historical recreation and doesn’t side with the Geth

Piranesi will rewire your brain. Absolutely incredible

Do you choose the Geth or Quarians in ME3?

Civ 7 comes out on February 11th 2025.

If they wanted to take over the country, they only had to wait like three weeks until every technocratic nerd was unreachably distracted.

They fundamentally do not understand us, and that is why they will lose.

Just a quick reminder that I did indeed write a fantasy heist novel about a pair of thieves trying to steal bull semen. Which means I had to research how bull semen is collected. If that’s not worth a book purchase, I don’t know what is.

When I was young my dad told me that if you had an innie bellybutton you had to marry someone with an outie bellybutton so you could snap together. Still don’t know if that’s amazing or terrible parenting.

All. It all makes me want to hide

That’s a terrifying concept

Only thing we’re leaving behind in our old apartment.

Apparently I’M the weird one for making cleaning more fun by pretending I just messily murdered someone and now I have to scrub the scene clean so that the forensic techs don’t send me away. Let them try. I’m the best at this. You can’t even tell the horrors that happened in the crisper drawer.

Come one, come all, and gather round for my definitive thread on the MOST COMMON MYTHS ABOUT BOOK PUBLISHING:

Writing tip: After you finish, go back & cut all the adverbs. Then all the adjectives. Then all the other words. Eat the paper. Now you're free.

Wooo new office!

I had all this intent to hit the ground running in 2025. I may have not taken into account that I’m moving in five days. This may have been a miscalculation.

Setting my goals for 2025 in the hope that I’ll have as good a year as I did in 2024.

- Write and publish Ranger.
- Find a way to bring an audiobook of Frostbitten to life.
- Be healthier on December 31 than I am now.
- Pay off debt.

The goal is for my actions to align with these goals.

I hope you enjoy it!

Statements from my in-laws :

“This neighborhood was so bad the government declared it blighted.”
“You would not believe how many dead bodies they’ve found in that park.”
“See that street? That’s where all the drive-by shootings happen.”

Followed by:

“I don’t understand why guys won’t move here.”

CHEESE IT, IT’S THE COPS