Reaching that low point of immigration where my home country feels weird and uncomfortable, yet my new country feels frustrating.

Ladies: if you like soft, diffused lighting and fine mist on your face, then Great Britain in the wintertime is for you!

I’m just a girl, standing before her Brexit-voting Boomer in-laws, trying to explain how difficult it is to get a job in Britain. Walking in with a resume and a stiff handshake doesn’t work, folks. They are mystified.

(nm the fact that I am a foreigner myself… though yes I have the right to work)

Having Greek yogurt and prunes (not at the same time) for dessert because it’s Friday night and I’m 43.

Cheers to everyone who said I was overreacting last year when I couldn’t cope with how dark things were projected to go. If only someone warned you, right?

Special shout-out to the ones that said I’D be ok, as a cis-het white woman. As if that was supposed to make it better.

BBC journalists have been banned from describing the kidnapped Venezuelan leader as having been kidnapped.

The BBC News Editor has sent this to BBC journalists.

Love Lily Allen’s cathartic new album. It sucks being cheated on by a narcissistic, empathy-lacking sex addict and then having to lie to his offspring and say that it was a mutual decision to split.

..AND WHO THE FUCK IS KARI? 🥴

Here comes the post-Thanksgiving, pre-birthday blues where I have an existential crisis and feel so very mortal.

Having a dog is like having an adorable, fluffy goblin. A goblin you have a battle of wills against daily to not eat cat poop or lick the garbage bag drippings.

Taking my disgusting NMNs every night because more often than not I want to live for quite a while in this world. 🤢🥹

It was last week when I suddenly became acutely aware that NOBODY wears skinny jeans anymore. All I have are skinny jeans. 🤦‍♀️ #firstworldmillenialproblems

Roadies are just modern day butlers.

It me, hence the username 😉

Me, an Anglophile my whole life, finally living in the UK: Hmm. The French were really onto something with being artsy, emotionally intelligent, into natural beauty, having a work/life balance, etc etc. Am I turning Francophile?

Just legitimately mistakenly called Colin Hanks “Hank Collins.” 🤦‍♀️

Nobody wants a sad whipping boy. That’s just a mood killer.

It’s funny in this day and age (of brain rot content and hallucinating AI) to remember that the internet was once called “the information superhighway.”

IRS layoffs are costly for the U.S., redistributing wealth to the top 1% (who lie on their taxes at jaw-dropping rates).

The bottom 99% generally pay their taxes. cepr.org/voxeu/column...

Refrigerating things in Britain:
Eggs? 🚫
Avocado? ✅

England doesn’t have Thanksgiving, so there’s nothing to protect Halloween from the onslaught of Christmas (in early October!) 😱🎃

No word of a lie, that moment, the lady stood up and huffed “Well, you should speak English!” And walked away. I just sat there processing it.
So funny being told I don’t speak English. Very humbling being a foreigner.
Luckily I was born with a sense of humo(u)r, so it makes me laugh.

So the other day, I was in Nat West bank with my dog. (They are very dog-friendly btw)

Mini schnauzers are an old lady magnet, so one approached us and asked me if she knew any tricks. I was telling her how she just learned “paw” but she learned it from me, so with an American accent.

True love is not only freely farting in front of each other without embarrassment, but describing your partners fart with what would be a similar sound.

Recent ones:
- A wooden chair being dragged across the floor
- a tiny trumpet
- a “hand fart” (where you squeeze the air out between your palms)

Me: I miss kitchen knives with pointy ends. Makes it easier to cut and core fruits & veggies
My husband: Well, they do it for safety
Me: oh
(Suddenly remembers that guns are outlawed here so stabbing rates are proportionally higher)
OHHH! 😳

Oasis might’ve won the Britpop battle, but Damon Albarn won the war

I’ve reached the point in my life where I relate more to Edina than Saffron.

June is the best month. I never want it to end.

So crazy to move to a “foreign” country and feel right away that I finally found a place where I belong.

I’m sure it also helps to live in the most liberal/accepting city in said country.

Me: So, basically, I’m perfect. *mic drop* *leaves the room*

Parents: *complain about how I’m not naturally an early riser*
Me: Well, actually, the great thing about me is that my have ADHD, so I get easily distracted, and if you’re in a tribe, you want someone who can sense danger immediately. And since I wake up late, I can keep a lookout for later than you