Crystal Pope

Watching DeSantis getting cucked by state Republicans is giving me so much glee that I may have to classify it as a kink.

Small tan dog sitting on a gray blanket giving the picture-taker “puppy dog eyes” to instill both guilt and treato generosity

Spending more time being an at-home arty weird, because the weens are demanding and occasionally give me looks like this:

A Fitbit, except instead of monitoring steps it monitors your internet deep dives and sends you a little trinket based on your new dorky obsession. Looking forward to my postcards from Mt Erebus, the only volcano whose magma you can see from space!

Tan puppy with egregious overbite reaches a little paw out to you.

Sure, everything is terrible, but have you considered: Noodle?

Fellow white women, I beg of you: instead of making more crafts that indicate you’re one of the “good ones,” please redirect that energy towards attending your local school board meetings, city council meetings, literally any local governance meeting.

*kicks open door to silent yoga retreat* y’all about to hear the sound of one ass clapping

Uncle Baby Billy!

ZOUKS!!!!

My neighbors are loudly re-watching inauguration footage on their screened patio and whooping every ten seconds or so. How do I know? I can hear it over my closed windows and doors and my own television.

TikTok was never going anywhere. The TikTok creator gave millions to Trump and they orchestrated this whole PR stunt just so Trump will be seen as a 'hero' to young people.
It was literally the Kidz Bop version of the Reichstag Fire

Back in the early 2000s, I lived in a sort of anarchist collective co-op house full of artists, musicians, and writers. We’d host punk shows where the headliner wouldn’t start until 3am.

Anyway, I’m going to bed at 8pm tonight after I watch some Love Boat. Time is weird.

In case you were wondering how homeowners insurance is going in Florida, we just got our renewal notification and a) we’re thrilled that we weren’t dropped, and b) it’s “only” $7300.

Melania is at the Carter funeral ready to catch the bouquet.

I Will Pay Any Amount to Not Pay My Taxes I’ve gotten myself into a bit of a jam. A series of natural disasters is barreling towards my home, and there is a severe shortage of resources and...

Reminds me of how Brevard county will pay huge amounts of money to replenish beach sand for waterfront homeowners post-hurricane, but won’t improve infrastructure/water treatment/utilities.

Me, seductively unlatching overalls: You know what I have in common with these chickens? We’re all excellent layers.
American Egg Board: Ma’am, we’re not lowering the price of eggs.

HAPPY HORN

Gifted my husband a compressed air machine to aid in his tech cleaning when he builds things. He underestimated the power somewhat and blew my framed obsolete media (laser discs, SelectaVision discs) clear off the wall. From ten feet away. 😆

Post your favorite Star Trek character. Wrong answers only.

Getting dogs has fundamentally made me a weepier softie-pants. Every animal is baby. Can’t handle any kind of documentary about animals where they get hurt. Constant Sarah McLachlan loop in m’brain.

This is giving me big “Song of Myself” by Walt Whitman vibes, and no I can’t really explain it. Something about leisure and hedonism and living in the now. 😆

Trump names Orlando attorney Dan Newlin as Ambassador to Colombia President-elect Donald Trump has announced the appointment of Orlando attorney Dan Newlin as the next U.S. ambassador to Colombia.

For those of you not in the central
Florida area, Newlin is like our junior varsity equivalent of Saul Goodman. Our very own “Slippin Jimmy” is going to COLOMBIA of all places. Even the scriptwriters of Better Call Saul would call this move too unbelievable to be true.

Rick Moranis as Dark Helmet stares into the void as Mel Brooks, portraying President Skroob, looks on with concern.

Have we… are we living in Spaceballs now? I’m not saying the baddies exactly match the incoming leadership, but…

“Now you see that evil will always triumph, because good is dumb.”

10 Facts You Didn't Know About McDonald's Filet-O-Fish Sandwich - Chowhound The Filet-O-Fish sandwich is one of the most popular McDonald's menu items, but even those who love it may not know these interesting facts about it.

…is #1 the identity of the snitch? These clickbait headlines are so sneaky.

I know this is terribly naive, but I keep hoping some rich person will pick up where Carnegie left off and build another 2500 libraries.

I can already see the Spirit Halloween version: “Handsome Class Warrior”

…because we’re collectively Stephanie Seymour and the rest of the world is wondering why we chose the doofy lookin dude with the bad hair?

Bluesky Wrapped

You nodded sagely 4,362 times.
You hearted content without following the link 2,187 times.
You commented on a comedian’s post in hopes they’d witness you as you sprayed your mouth shiny and chrome: 27,922 times.

I Used My Wife’s Vibrating Dildo to Achieve My First Prostate Orgasm and Now I’m In Narnia and I Can’t Get Back Home Look, I’ll make this quick. I am 54 years old. I like the Philadelphia Eagles. I eat a bowl of Cheerios with a glass of milk, a glass of orange jui...

"I open my eyes, and I am standing in fucking snow surrounded by trees. I got my wife’s dildo lodged up my ass, and I’m looking at this fucking goat person. He looks just as confused as me. First thing he says is, 'Most people come out of the wardrobe.'"

it's a great system we have: one party is a snakepit of insane fascist sex creeps. the other is pathologically allergic to wielding power

Imagine getting a hornt up message from Muppet History - only to find out it’s from the skeevy dude running the account and not Gonzo. 😢