Alo Johnston

Embarrassing how much my mental health is determined by if my last haircut was > or < 2 weeks ago.

You know when an acquaintance leaves social media and they're like "contact me for my email or phone number" and you're like "lol absolutely not"? There's no email equivalent to 😂-ing your stories so I guess I'll see you never. Have a good life. Unfortunately I will forget about your shortly.

Not to brag but I regularly put over ripe bananas in the freezer and then I regularly make banana bread with them.

Whoa

Feel free to send me a message if you want to talk about it.

I love that I'm spending all this time worrying about microplastics and carcinogens in my spatulas and I'm just gonna die in a tsunami or something.

Oh god

I believe in natural consequences which is why I believe that if you set a forest fire you must be thrown directly into the center of it when it is 0% contained.

My brain does some kind of echolalia thing before bed (I can "hear" words and phrases in my head that feel fully disconnected from my thoughts, it does feel like I'm hearing them) which is really great for learning a new language, and much less great when the words are "Hyundai Sonata."

I cannot comfortably hold the possibility that I'll die from an embarrassing accident like trying to stand on a wheely chair. I do everything in my power to make sure that doesn't happen.

When I am most at peace I can comfortably hold the possibilities that I will die in the water wars or from a curable illness or from the cancer of breathing LA air or fleeing fascism or comfortable in my bed at 95 years old.

I have deeper thoughts on the doomerism but I'd just like to say to certain people: you think humans will collectively stop having children? That is THE biological imperative. We are animals. There will be babies and pregnant people until the end.

I need some sort of literary captcha. "Please read the following short story and answer the multiple choice questions about the themes." If you score too low you can't review. Please help my book rating is suffering.

Not to be a huge bro, but can you imagine being 17 when House of the Rising Sun came out?

Read the Twitter before bed and it stressed me out, so I played a game to relax and it stressed me out, so I watched some Reels which stressed me out, switched to Tiktok which was like "ah you're into the stress content tonight?" 😭 I desire the peace content.

Also the Coke was from a glass bottle and he poured it into a tiny glass with a ton of ice and then didn't even give me the rest of the bottle. So it was like half a Coke.

I accidentally ordered a beer at a bar when I tried to order a Coke (bartender misheard me) and then the interaction was too awkward and I paused too long to be like "no a Coke" so instead I was like "and can I also get a Coke" and paid $14. Lol 😔

We're at the very beginning of the marathon course and I started to wonder what the laugh vs dirty look ratio would be if I held up a sign that said "Only 25 miles to go!"

My new retirement plan is to pick up losing lottery scratchers off the street and scan them into the lottery app for the second chance drawing. I will be taking no further questions.

Jamming to ABBA's greatest hits in my bed at 1am: life is incredible

While scrolling through the many horrors: oh no

Every night before bed after I brush my teeth and stuff I'm like: I gotta do my sciatica stretches then lift weights then do my Spanish flashcards then read some Garfield in Spanish then play Wordle then play the daily Waffle. I literally cannot do these things in the day time. Pre-bed ritual only.

Every time I hear a video of a tropical place I feel a lot calmer and I was like I wonder if epigentically I want to be in Puerto Rico. And then I was like I wonder if my body wants to hear more birds than cars.

I love when a queer person says: I'm gonna start a business and that business is selling knick knacks and tchotchkes.

This post brought you by scalp micropigmentation but also when I got hip masculinization and the surgeon took a pic of my lower back that I had truly never seen this angle before and CREATED new dysphoria right before he removed it.

The terrible irony of taking care of something you're self conscious of is that they take all these before and after pictures and make you feel the worst you've ever felt about it. Excuse me, I was compartmentalizing that!

What's your weirdest escapist fantasy? Mine is to off into the hills and be a gold miner.

Some of my favorite Spanish words: mismísimo, cocodrilo, fulano, cacahuete, zarzamora, babosa, chucho, bizcocho, fracasado, títere. Thank you for coming to my Ted talk.

For some reason Reddit started giving me push notifications for r/veterinaryschool despite having no interest or connection in vet schools. And I just keep reading the posts... I'm really invested in all these people getting accepted into their programs lol

Swinging aggressively between "haha this is easy, I'm a genius!" to "I'm a sham, I'm a fraud, I can't believe I ever thought I was competent" means you're on the right path.

I just met someone at a party who wrote a book in vaguely the same genre/category as mine and my first thought was "I hope mine has a higher rating on Goodreads than yours." I love normal writer thoughts.