Darcy the Destroyer 🦜✨

Omg I LOVE it when I wash my apron and then immediately spill syrup on it the next morning 😒 what’s the hardest part about breakfast shifts, you ask? Surely the early hours… NOPE. SYRUP. Syrup EVERYWHERE.

I’m gonna charge my ibuprofen and cbd under the Scorpio Full Moon to help them get rid of all the PAINS IN MY ASS 🙄

Alec: [says something complainy first thing in the morning]
Me: Are you going to do this the entire time?
Alec: Yes. Are you kidding? Those should have been our wedding vows.
@alecmal.bsky.social

Darcy K. Porter 🦜 (@blueparrottarot) • Instagram photos and videos 338 Followers, 587 Following, 65 Posts - See Instagram photos and videos from Darcy K. Porter 🦜 (@blueparrottarot)

Hey babes! I’ll be doing free single Tarot card pulls tonight on insta from 6:30pm-8pm PT! Follow Blue Parrot Tarot—ask box for queries will be in my story! 😘

Big day for assholes. I got Tarot mansplained to me AND I was told I’m going to hell. 😂 baby, I’m already therrre

I, for one, am very pleased at the trend of fishnets hiked high to the waist, above the top of one’s jeans/trousers/skirt/etc. Trying to hide the top of the tights used to stress me out. I embrace the new 🤗

People are out there saying things like “sNOwLA” and “sneaux day” I can’t 😆 people are rad

My desire to promote my services online via content creation
vs
my desire to unplug from literally everything rn
is really exhausting

@alecmal.bsky.social and I decided that our cats’ full names are Bowie Elizabeth and Hux Alexis

For SoCal friends,

Here is a list of resources for shelter, animal boarding, free items, and distribution hubs. These places can also use donations (e.g., food, water, masks, and blankets). Please consider donating if you can.

For more info, visit Instagram: mutualaidla

Say it. No “prayers for California.” No “Stay safe, Cali fam.” No. Your prayers are for LOS ANGELES. The place you talk shit on. The people you don’t like. It’s okay. Pray for them. But say it with your whole chest. Bless Los Angeles and save it.

GTL: gym, tarot, laundry.

How do people not have trauma attached to places like the doctors office or the mechanic? Don’t tell me you’ve gone in there routinely, without being forced to, and just HAD THE MONEY to take care of whatever was wrong? I look fear in the eye in these places and you tell me you never have???

...Aaron Rodgers is only 41? That seems both entirely too old and entirely too young to be that much of a stupid bitch

sesame street isn't supposed to make money. the post office isn't supposed to make money. not everything is supposed to MAKE MONEY

I am too hungover for Christmas shoppers to be haggling with me over $4 crystals

These shirts are an immediate red flag and conjure up all the repulsion Ed Hardy shirts used to, except dudes that wear THIS shit won’t pay for bottle service

Rams are on fire today 😮‍💨

Question my character and that of my friends in text format, I’m going to question your audacity to your face. Get defensive and tell me to “chill out?” Well, that is going to go about as well as you might think. 😇

No Flakey Friends 2025 😤

The fact that it’s $182 million… ONE EIGHTY TWO… is not lost on me. 😒

Your baby is so fluffy 🥹🥹🥹

Bowie—a brown, black, orange, and white calico tabby cat—rests comfortably on a turquoise and white damask-print blanket.

I also have a cozy Bowie for you!

One of the first things I did when I joined this app is follow a bunch of cat accounts and until my feed is full of clever quips and hot takes, it will be full of kittens and I love that for me.

My first Tarot reading of 2024! A little something to get you through Cap Season 😘

www.tiktok.com/t/ZT8qTDwPU/

I’m not quite sure how to run my feed over here. Do y’all want to see Tarot stuff? Service industry stuff? Inspirational quotes or whatever?? 🥴 I’d like to keep it unique, but… ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

Aaaaaawwwwww yeeeaaahhh check out your girl here on this majestical roof fretted with golden fire 🤘🏻