h. p. heisler

pig boss...?

i love frimomen and asterian but hxvoc has this quality of a guy who has seen shit. this man has been injured. he is literally missing an arm. you can make him so vulnerable it's scary and it's scary that i'm the only one who knows this about him.

okay... new job exciting... but i finally have weekend energy to write music... hxvoc... come to me... my little meow meow...

no the facial hair is hilariously vanilla but nobody but the like four total old man vieras i have met use it. we spot each other in an instance and immediately stare at each other every time. the only mods are just customize+ bone wiggling to make him wider.

i miss him... he's not dead he just costs money...

it can be BOTH

i am making the called shot the lizard is going to become an adult woman. she has the cuntiness of sneasler in her eyes.

it's a really strange natural selection happening where HXVOC is i think my favorite vocal synth ever released but only when i use him and make him sound like the fruity 2000s emo band frontman of my wildest dreams.

i swear to god every new version of overwatch makes him queen out harder.

once again infinity nikki has decided to do two seasons with the same animal theming in a row. last year we had a snake season into a dragon season. this year we are doing a deer season into a unicorn season.

per every OW2 character hazard also falls under the same caveats of on first glance being a generically sexy character to sell skins but with a very compelling narrative and really charming interactions with every other character.

like... he's a complicated guy!

it is really funny that my hidden video game main is only a "big of heart dumb of ass" man because he is actually a weird setplay freak in disguise wearing dumbass clothes.

i love hazard. i love my boy. i love my big funny boy and his big funny cube. get a load of my big cube mate.

it's completely bananas in person like in line for coffee and everyone looks normal except for one person who looks like they have been freshly swaddled by a giant cartoon slug.

fascinated by the LA beauty standard of people walking around looking straight up wet. just wet in the face. it's just sort of culturally mesmerizing.

like i think the timeline where dinosaur planet got made is the one where i'm a furry. we all know how bizarrely weak i am for a chivalrous handsome cool guy protagonist. but in starfox adventures all i can think about is how unbelievably funny it is that fox mccloud is here looking uniquely bad.

i remember every time i had one of those "oh... this came out wrong... i don't think this is what they wanted to make... but also it's very funny?" experiences as a child and starfox adventures is the most searingly brilliant one that i have played more times than i would like to admit.

in hindsight i think my taste was irrevocably changed when playing starfox adventures for the first time as a child because it taught me what camp is.

update on my instagram algorithm losing its mind: trying to like more posts about menswear and tailoring to purge the fitness content has instead given me a new and terrifying breed of men's "self-help" content. what is going on.

i repeat. they made a male widowmaker. he is freja's tragic husband hypnotized by red slime. except he has some really gay voicelines where he calls out domina's bad taste. this is what being woke really means. it's awesome.

he's kind of bad but emre has the character fantasy of being a man in a latex catsuit doing halo run & gunning with your stupid cyber grenades and stupid baby blaster before being sexually turned into a drone by a finnish AI to blow everyone up with a cyber arm cannon. and then chuckle handsomely.

anyway i wish this overwatch update happened in college so i could draw increasingly sexual images with emre sarioglu instead of cole cassidy. we don't need cole cassidy anymore. a sexier man with an uglier beard is here. i can compromise.

not to be dramatic! but as someone who like medically has to keep track of dissociation and unreality as an occurrence! this is like! it's too wonderful to be real! and yet!

wistfully... i love my job... my job at [REDACTED] making [REDACTED] for [REDACTED]... 🐎 ✨️

it's not my fault blending red fruits and green vegetables among other things turns them all the single most comical shade of gray available for food.

a photo showing a bag of "beauty custard powder mix" on a supermarket shelf

what's wrong babe you've barely touched your beauty custard :--(

i've been playing a LOT of infinity nikki. like, a lot

see that i can handle and i can handle it when youtube remembers that i'm a gay man and decides to show me prep ads on repeat but this is like another level of only ads for circuit party gear, 200$/mo gyms, and cold sculpting. i feel crazy. i want my historical costuming algorithm back.

the irony of moving across the country for a job i've had to do remotely for the past two weeks is palpable and horrible.

let my tale of woe be a humbling one for all of you. i was a bit of a mess this year and forgot to get boosted. it just slipped off my to do list! i thought it was fine.

i have been testing positive for covid for twelve days. it is not fine. i am physically okay but mentally this was torture.

i am reading up on minecraft controlled substances policies so i don't accidentally commit any minecraft crime. i don't think they have free healthcare in minecraft.