✨️Ren✨️gard✨️

Good morning!!! It's my double sweet sixteen!!!

Come over and be my next biggest mistake?

New profile picture = new me = new needs = actual self esteem until the next guy comes along and makes me think Im in love so I throw all of my cute little rules out the window for him.

Thank you!

Well, now that we've found each other...

Ah!!! Knew it, me too!

The most special... you must be really good at other stuff!

Hey, you up?

I always buy the party size food items because a party of one is still a party.

I've never related to anything more

the odds of me killing a plastic plant are low but not impossible

pecan pie best pie

I'm back... so back... you could call me... Baby got back...

I'll see myself out... Baby got back out...

omg I noticed you didn’t like my cat pic, why do you hate my cat you monster

Accurate 🤣🤣🤣

We have spent our entire existence lulled into pacifism, to the point that we will watch it all burn down before we stand up and fight back. I spent my day crying over a romcom and chatting in a social group about the farmer's market... how vapid we are to be able to pretend it's all okay...

Needed it this morning

To Trump supporters: Do you know how i know you cover up SA in your family... because people in my family are supporters and they covered it up too. Birds of a feather flock together.

Without saying all of the other awful things about Starbucks that I can think of... stay in your lane guys! From a marketing perspective... I can see they are shifting focus to gym bros with their "high protein" offerings. Is anyone falling for this? I just think they are trying too hard.

Just some legs! A plaid punk shirt and some black platform converse

Let's put the escalator on a coin! Really a voice of the people.

I'm actually enjoying the fact that THIS is what replaced the Charlie Kirk hysteria. "Charlie is a martyr, and we'll never forget his sacrifice." [a fucking escalator stops briefly] "HOLY SHIT, THIS IS THE BIGGEST STORY IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD."

What a weird-ass Rapture. Only the Constitution disappeared.

I write for a blog called Superstitious Times! I have a column on there called the paranormal examiner where I analyze the history behind haunted locations, and I am about to interview the distributor for Haunted magazine because he owns a haunted house in NY!

Well, that's because it's not a revolving door. It's an escalator that some unforeseen enemy stopped so we would fall on our faces!

History is the revolving door we still never learn to walk through with any grace or tact

[party]

HOST: why are you in my bed

ME: you said i could use the restroom

The US leadership and MAGA is the embarrassing Karen wife and the rest of us are the embarrassed husband trying to hustle her out the door.