Astarion's Caprisun

I love you so much 😭💗

Two, only two still remain in my life actively. Two. Out of all the ones I had only two still respond to messages. and even then we dont talk much anymore we're so distant.

Only two still are happy to see me in their streams.

Periodic reposting as he is the only thing keeping me sane.

it was hurting my health. So I had to stop chasing it, I had to stop twitch. I had to protect myself and now..now they are gone. I tried so hard to keep up and as soon as I stop everyone raises so much higher and then forget I exist.
Dont befriend streamers..it hurts in the end

Why..did they all keep in contact with eachother..why was I left behind. Why wasn't I good enough? I chased fame and growth with streaming just to try to be worthy of the friends I had because they were growing and I had to aswell or else I couldn't help them, couldn't be of use. But as I chased it

As soon as I wasn't rising with them..they went so far away I can no longer reach them...we were supposed to be family so why...we were sisters.. I loved them. it hurts when I think about it and t he closer it gets to halloween the sadder I feel. We used to stream together around this time a lot

But theres never anymore I love yous, not one more "how are you", not one more happy new years or merry christmas ever since I left twitch 3ish years ago (a bit less than that) bc of sexual harassment. I tried to reach out and i get ghosted by most of them..

One thing about being a vtuber is once you stop streaming..you lose everyone you knew. Other streamers..are just gone. Even if you were friends before streaming.. I miss them. I still see their socials in my emails, still have them on my friendslist

www.patreon.com/posts/138031...

to summarize, the video was falsely flagged for content it did not include. They tried to appeal. No luck. They blurred the spot where they are accused of having such content (which doesn't exist) and appealed. Still no luck. So their video is perma age restricted

Hello to all #baldursgate3 #bg3 fans. I just wanted to give a heads up about whats going on for people who aren't aware with spacebards. I just got an email back from them (they made a post on patreon shortly after I asked what happened to FWB) If no one has seen the patreon post

I don't know how to express how insanely amazing they are. I'm just kind of in shock.

Not to mention all the help I received from Nixx prior to all this. Oml. Or the sheer amount of support from berry and riv and gothy.

My friends Yuri, Nat, Toby, Sona, Kitty, Rhiv, Lilith and Moxi about to make me sob in the good way frfr. All of them have helped me immensely lately and have just been absolute saints.
I don't know what I would have done without them.

Gods, I love my friends so much I just..

Me: I plan to stalk your posts
10 min later you: this post

Thank you for feeding me and MOOD lmao 🤣

Text that says: I asked for help on tumblr but im asking it here too. My mothers medication went missing and I need some help to get it for her. Its not safe for her to go without it, it is utterly essential and can have severe health complications. If you can help please let me know and ill DM my paypal. I'm very worried about her. Shes about 60$ short to get it. We are not in the position to divert money to it. We have been having major financial issues since last month and already are in a bit of a worst debt because of struggling to afford groceries. Even with the help of some wonderful sweet friends. It only delayed that issue bc of how bad it is. And now this medication issue popped up which is urgent.

#fundraising #mutualaid I need some help for my mother. I hate having to ask but its urgent and healthcare related.

Congratulations on the Baby! <3

#TavQOTD

Ayumu | Me

Ayumu is an absolute nightmare to recreate anywhere, so idk, but there were some fun details available here xD

As for me…as close as we can get. Tattoos obviously can’t be recreated 1-for-1. My hair is more of a dark burgundy-red (dyed, for like 10 years now).

I didn't do it. I'm Innocent... I didn't do it. Please just hold me.

and I just want to hug you, I want you to tell me you didn't know. I could forgive that understand it... I want you to rage with me, cry with me, tell me you love me. But you're not here. you're with THEM. and I miss you and I want to stop missing you. It hurts..so much. I want you back.

do you truly not feel anything at all for what I went through? for me? for us? why...why not tell me from the beginning we'd never be friends. Because clearly we aren't when you hurt me like this and left me behind. Friends care about friends, But I haven't felt that care from you and i hate it.

and I will never understand. HOW someone can live with themselves choosing money over friends. How someone can live with themselves choosing clout over friends. Why..
Why was my love for you not enough for you to care? You were my family..why did you hurt me? why didn't you love me?

and I stayed silent not out of weakness or saying its okay. But because I didn't want the drama that comes with speaking up. I bottled my feelings. But it hurts and..I Just want to say that it hurts. Im hurting, I've been hurting. and I want my friends back. I wish they didn't ghost me and go too.

and then I get slandered for not taking the side of two people who blew up over nothing and caused drama.

and then An incident I felt pressured and uncomfy in, I already handled peacefully from over a year ago gets brought up to slander me and invalidate my sexuality.

this fandom hurts..so much.

I wish my pain what I went through mattered more to them. I went through months of someones insane jealousy making me feel like shit. Then felt outcasted from the group and any attempts to communicate it were met with a "well that sucks join us when ready" ignoring the issue why I cant

Because it didn't happen to you doesn't mean they are a good person. Because it didn't happen to you doesn't mean my pain doesn't exist. I wish you didn't act like it never happened. I wish you didn't support the friends who betrayed me and publically cozied up with the ones who hurt me.

Vent:

Theres so much I Want to say about the pain I have been through. From being hurt by a group of people, to being betrayed by friends who knew the situation. To seeing those people all get away with it. To see people praise a modder involved in it like he never hurt me.

I want to warn all the creators about Payoneer service. If you use it, please, withdraw your money to safe place as soon as possible!

I finally got my closure talking to a few friends of mine when it all has come to light thanks to them. But it doesn't feel better to have closure to finally know the facts. It hurts, its grief, its mourning a friendship I thought I had, someone I thought loved me like I loved them. A sibling..

While I expected it for some people.. theres atleast one person I expected to be a friend who I realize was never on my side. I loved them dearly and I'll miss them. I wish things were different. But they disappeared from my life even when I had their back, they didn't have mine.

Hurts Like Hell As heard on MTV Scream. Writers: Lauren Strahm and Tommee Profitt Artist: Fleurie Publishing: Razor & Tie, Capitol CMG

I'm in my feelings today and need to get it out:
soundcloud.com/fleuriemusic...

YouTube video by Aminium Music Ashe - Moral Of The Story (Lyric Video)

youtu.be/SHHWC7ZoL9I