Ferret

Today’s eBay shenanigan.
“I want to return the item but am having trouble.”
“Can you tell me why please?”
“Yeah, I found my original copy in the basement so don’t need it.”

Tough shit old son. Listing said No Returns, especially in the case of a high level of incompetence/stupidity.

When you stop saying “You should be good to your fellow humans” and instead say “Just try and be less of a cunt” you know we’re heading in the wrong direction.

Today marks 11 years in a world without Rik Mayall in it and look at the bloody state of everything.

My punk band did a cover version. Didn’t know the lyrics so just winged it.

Gone out for a late restaurant lunch on my Tod, something I’ve not done before.
#BillyNoMates

I could sort this Musk/Trump conflict in 24 hours.

This was my rule. Didn’t let anyone out for years. Then realised I was looking at my own reflection in the rear view mirror.

There’s a silver butt plug on the track at Herne Hill station @nationalrailenq.bsky.social, it’s been there for at least a fortnight.
I mentioned it to one of the onsite staff this morning but he didn’t seem too enthusiastic about retrieving it.

One day I hope this tolerance to Iocane that I’ve built up, by gradually ingesting trace doses over time, will come in useful.

Could smash one right now.

Danger Farting on the Bromley South platform at 6:30am.
Is this what getting older is all about?

@sirpaintalot.bsky.social
Rocking one of your shirts on stage last Saturday.

I’ve been wandering aimlessly.
Things got confused inside my head.

Just one lot of cakes?
You ungrateful tightarse.

When are you getting your EB one done?

Just sold my car because I wasn’t using it much and it wasn’t worth keeping.
Called insurance company (esure) thinking I’d get some money back and they want to charge me a Cancellation Fee as well as an Additional Premium for ending it early.
Absolute ripoff. Fuming.

Wahey! I’m in!

This picture evokes so many memories.
As a kid I used to play on this terrace after the game while waiting to get the signatures of the players heading from the Cottage to the Benfica or Players’ Bar.

I just laughed while farting and it made it sound like the synth riff from The Final Countdown.

It’s hard to urinate when you’re laughing so much.

The theme tune to Jonny Briggs.

Lies, damned lies, and fascistics.

I rest my case m’lud.

It’s people like you who belong on Twitter.

Yeah, thanks for rubbing it in Trainline.

Lovely evening having drinks with friends and I can’t even eat a burger in bed like a filthy king without being harassed.

Looking forward to after Christmas when the price of these are reduced.

At least they didn’t find the good stuff.

A framed picture of Mariah Carey in a Santa outfit.