Zero Star Reviews

JEFF PROBST (SURVIVOR HOST, 2000): "With a personality that's more TV studio than base camp, Probst was like sand in suntan oil, the group's Where's Waldo figure who kept popping up when you least wanted to see him."

Probst is about to start his 50th season as host.

JACK KEROUAC - ON THE ROAD (1957): "Kerouac is supposed to be the spokesman for the 'beat' generation. Who beat them and why is not clear.
His writing...is full of a provocative sound and fury but with about as much philosophical meaning as a Sears-Roebuck catalogue." St. Louis Post-Disp. 10/6/1957

THE PRODIGY - FAT OF THE LAND (1997): "It's great partying music, but shallow casual listening....awfully thin on substance and overly thick on hype, which could spell trouble for the Prodigy's attempt in bringing electronica to the masses." Waterloo (CA) Region Record, 7/3/1997

THE WHITE STRIPES (2001): "Critics are largely unimpressed...White Blood Cells has shipped 12,000 copies...But, bearing in mind that, earlier this year...Creed shipped more than 20 million copies...it hardly suggests a major shift in rock and roll." National Post (CA) 8/31/01

ELF (2003): "You have to hand it to Ferrell, who sets some kind of record for wearing an idiotic grin, which never vanishes unless he's getting pummeled. And for my money, you just can't pummel this character enough." - Arizona Republic, Nov 7, 2003

GODARD'S BREATHLESS (1961): "Juvenile rubbish...utterly unbelievable-beyond the point of absurdity...a contrived bit of tripe...

Lord knows, we have enough trouble with our native film production without importing France's soiled cinematic laundry." - Wash. Daily News, 11/9/1961

As soon as they get used to that idea, the thing will fall through." - Bennington Evening Banner, 7/12/1922

RADIO (1922): "I believe the popular craze for radio is a big bubble which will burst...there's not anything that people can get over the radio that they cannot get from a graphophone except the thrill of thinking that the sound is coming to them thru the air. (cont'd):

OASIS, DEFINITELY MAYBE (1994): "Not even original, let alone revolutionary...thrills quickly pass, like eating a bowl of whipped cream...If Oasis is the new voice of Brit rock, it's no wonder Americans are no longer paying all that much attention." - Santa Barbara News Press, 9-23-94

PARANOID - Black Sabbath (1970): "Really, though, they have a sound of their own, but I got bored because it all began to sound the same. It's very heavy rock...That's what the album makes me - paranoid." - The Dispatch (Moline, IL), March 9, 1971

BILLY JOEL (1972): "Billy Joel is an adequate singer, and good piano player; but if he scores big in the music world, it will probably be as a composer." - Oregon Daily Journal, February 28, 1972

THE OFFICE UK (2001): "A Summer Stinker...fails miserably because parodies of dullness only succeed when they're shorter and more exaggerated than their original models...a bore in real time remains simply a bore. I was pretty close to tears. Of utter despair." Evening Standard

The Birds (1963): "I was not frightened. Merely horrified. In my opinion, the only ones who will be afraid of 'The Birds' are very small children...they should give an Oscar to the bird trainer." LA Evening Citizen News, 3/28/1963

GETTYSBURG ADDRESS (1863): After Abraham Lincoln's historic speech, the Harrisburg Patriot-News slammed Lincoln, calling his "little" speech "silly" and accusing him of political opportunism.

"Whatever may be the President's virtues, he does not possess sense." (11/24/1863)

STEELY DAN - AJA (1977): "The tunes themselves are well below par. A ghost of the habitual Dan dissonance serves only to gloss over changes that are essentially normal and boring...the disappointment of the year." Valley Advocate, Oct 26, 1977

THE GODFATHER (1972): "To treat The Godfather as anything more than an enjoyable, well-made film is only the sick reaction of a sick society. Maybe mafiosi love their mothers, but that's no reason to admire or respect them. So did Adolf Hitler." - Rex Reed, 1972

DIE HARD (1988): "phallic," full of "cynical one-liners, racist undertones, and class-baiting." Bloomington Pantagraph

ERNEST HEMINGWAY - "The Sun Also Rises" (1926): "Before his tale is done there is some detail that could be spared." - Reading (Pa.) Times, Nov. 20, 1926

ABBEY ROAD - The Beatles (1969): "Perhaps to their own relief, the Beatles have lost the desire to touch us. You'll enjoy "Abbey Road," but it won't move you." - The Guardian, Oct 8, 1969

BOB DYLAN LIVE (1964): "[Dylan] comes across sincere, but never really succeeds in coming across." - Robert Davis, Wisconsin State Journal, 1964