Reasonable Doubt

You have to like that a guy from the Simpsons softball episode is about to get his first ring.

Dude throws his hand out toward the ball to get hit, misses, then gets nailed the next pitch. Sports are silly.

👀

Fox out here with a literal thumb giving umpire takes.

mariah carey is wearing a santa claus costume and standing in front of a group of female dancers . ALT: mariah carey is wearing a santa claus costume and standing in front of a group of female dancers .

The sky shall crack, the ground shall heave, and even the rocks and the stones shall weep their rage.

She has arisen.

Come to Ybor City in the next three hours if you want some candy.

YouTube video by Garfield & Friends 🕯️ Garfield’s Halloween Adventure ️🎃 Garfield & Friends 👻

The Garfield Halloween Special remains undefeated.

youtu.be/X3FJePrGZb8?...

Lighting some prayer candles for Lane Kiffin to end up as the Dolphins coach, just for the hilarity of it all.

Looking forward to seeing whatever nonsense occurs today to make sure food stamps get funded in November, because god forbid anyone on the right receive any tangible consequences of this administration.

See, you think the "Hot Girl in Animal Ears" costume stops being a jaw dropper once you hit 40, but then your wife has a costume contest at work and sends you a selfie and you have to rethink your stance on certain things.

That's the thing. I don't think she's fucking any of them. They'll give her six figures just being near her. She's a beauty queen, she's not going to actually fuck these dudes when she can just take their money.

This woman is playing each and every one of these dipshits. She's probably made well over a couple million because these horny dipshits want to fuck the Grifting Widow. This is easier money than an OnlyFans account.

Got the benefits package at the new job. Health insurance is $720 a month. Just for me. Not even including my wife.

Fuck all the way off.

I live in a set of townhomes, and dude came in two years ago and bought almost all of them in one fell swoop, jacked up the rent, and the homes have been basically empty for months.

Now they're all back on the market for less than he bought them for.

Fuck off, gentrifier.

"TSA and the Border Patrol are struggling" is not the convincing argument they think it is.

Need to work on new vocabulary words at my job. I've got a bunch of e-mails and meetings titled "Termination Follow-up" and there's just gotta be a better way to phrase this.

Tampa has a new Councilwoman. Her opponent bombarded me with mailers, she just had people walking the neighborhood.

Looking forward to the next few years around here.

Met my niece's boyfriend last night. He looked me in the eye and said "I'm just built different" without a hint of irony. I felt such a visceral hatred and fury, Kim had to grab my hand.

Do you think Brian Kelly faked that Cajun accent when he got fired? "But wut abut mah gar-ohn-tee?"

Flacco, Dalton, Cousins, it's Washed Up White Guy Weekend in the NFL. Bet the Steelers accordingly.

Love to walk into a restaurant and the first three things I order off the menu are unavailable.

Just redo your menu, bro.

Hungover, stoned, staring at my phone to gamble on professional sports, all while I'm getting ready to go vote.

That's my America.

To my Ybor folks, don't forget to vote for City Council.

I quote Scrooged on a day to day basis more often than most references.

"My back hurts, my legs ache. I'M ONLY FOUR"

You see what happens when you leave a stranger in the Alps?!?!

15 years ago, a bottle of rum and a game of Strip Twister led to @anywhoodles.bsky.social being stuck with me for life. Happy Anniversary.

In 25 years of living outside my parents' house, I have never gotten more than 10 Trick or Treaters.

Why do I continually buy giant bags of candy every Halloween?

Fun thing I found out with those infinity scratchers: Once they're torn up, you get a box cutter and cut it lengthwise, you get two completely fresh cardboard beds, where the cats are already familiar with the smell. Now the cat has double the places to be lazy around the house.

Someone, somewhere, heard "Stay tuned, because after this game, we have Shaboozie," and that person got hyped beyond belief.

That person not only votes, but votes more often and more reliably than anyone you've ever tried to convince on social media of your own beliefs.

I evolved an entirely new set of things to yell at the screen during Rocky Horror after her nonsense.

First day at the new job bubbly!