Sam On The Computer

CONTINENTAL HOTEL BONG SOMMELIER: And what would Sir desire for, hm, an amuse-bouche?
KEANU WICK: Something with... character. Bold, but... refined.
CHBS: [Pulling out a joint that looks like the weed equivalent of a Scooby-Doo sandwich] Of course. One pirate coin please

When you call in Raptured to work then run into your boss on the tribulation plains of Gehenna 😫😫😫

What are some good places to slouch towards for someone just getting into being a rough beast, its hour come at last

The Simpsons bit where Marge tries to yell "Lisa, no!" but reflexively yells out "Bart, no!" out of habit, much to Bart's chagrin, but - and get this - she's saying "Queen Elizabeth, no!" instead of "Donald Trump, no!". And the faceswap so it's QE2 rather than Bart is quite sharp, I feel.

How it feels being a Brit and being told increasingly implausibly that a world leader isn't on death's door

THE WETHERSPOONS BOUNCER: You don't have any outside drinks, do you lad?
ME:

Reactions were, shall we say, spirited but mixed. Telling people that it was a legitimate number one single felt like breaking the news that Santa is real and got intercepted by the Iron Dome

That does raise the interesting question of whether me getting grandfathered in means I'm boots on the ground in wetwork swan elimination or if the rules as written means I'm more of a Q Branch role, turning everyday items into elite poaching gear for the girls in the hit squads

I don't know this song but these whole afters are about to discover it with me

SEEEEE-CRET BROTHAH

Sometimes I think I handled lockdown OK. Sometimes I'll see just how I was typing back then

Thinking about getting really into being a guy with light to moderate back pain

Doing a remake of The Enigma Of Amigara Fault where "my hole" is replaced with "my assigned window seat on a five hour summertime British Rail journey" and the shape at the end is whatever kind of semi-ambulatory sweat golem I have today become

Do you know about how in the Philippines there's a lot of killings related to My Way being done at karaoke? Imagine if we added The Biz to the mix there

I never thought My Way was a cover, but after Behind Blue Eyes I just took it as read that My Generation by Limp Bizkit was another Who cover and actively avoided it

Mark from Peep Show edited saying "What's funnier - zero [damages] or, like, a humiliating [£50]?"

Tenancy deposit dispute scheme dismissed 96% of what my old landlord tried to get me to pay them. Very smugly feeling this right now lads

ME: Grandpa... I have finally opened my lasagna restaurant... are you proud
MY GRANDFATHER, RIDDLED WITH DEMENTIA BUT STILL TRYING TO UNDERCUT MY ACHIEVEMENTS: Lasagna is the queen. But pasta is the kingdom.

MISS LASAGNA Lasagna's The Queen, But Pasta's The Kingdom Also, the lady in their logo -- from context one must assume *she* is Miss Lasagna -- looks like an AI output. Furthermore, the tagline really undercuts the specialty of a Lasagna restaurant, no? It's oddly humble. They even admit that, though their figurehead is the personification of Lasagna, they shan't call her Queen. Merely "Miss". Much to think about here.

Encountered this new restaurant earlier and already know I'll be repeating it's tagline to myself every so often like it's a piece of ancient wisdom for a month

[Witnessing my mighty works decay through time and entropy, leaving only two vast and trunkless legs in a boundless desert] My works!

ETHAN HUNT: I'll stop you. I don't care how many backflips I have to do
THE ENTITY: White Genocide [1] is a disputed term used by

One time I saw a scorpion get out of a car wearing a jacket with Ryan Gosling on the back

This, to me, is Snowpiercer

I think if Rihanna flirtatiously called me a "rude boy" I'd probably get pretty offended. Once her team explained it to me I'd calm down but it would be a tense twenty to thirty minutes until I got it

Can't believe I just spent three days in a delirious state from a nearly 40° fever and the best post idea I hallucinated was "what idiot called it Battlestar Galactica and not Deep Space Nine Eleven"

BREAKING: Astronomers blame unprecedented "twice as many stars as usual" cosmic anomaly on rare newborn two-headed calf - "As a scientist, I say we stomp that freaky bovine twerp, pronto"

Oh lads you won't believe what's happened

I'm about to open a can of whoopass. Not right now though. Gonna put it in the freezer so it's nice and frosty when I open it up in ten minutes. Now to simply remember to open it so I don't get whoopass all over the fridge

Hey guys, sorry if you had any issues with Mickey 17. Bong Joon-Ho said every time I suggested he should focus on one or two themes and develop them satisfyingly, he'd add another scene that was just about sauce. Needless to say it only took eleven or twelve times before I got the message

I have GOT to get better at taking my meds before bed. Dreamt last night of a dating app for centrists called "Nuancd". Product of an ill mind.

People that say they'd want to live in the pokemon world need to read up on Rawls' Veil of Ignorance. You think you'd be a Cooltrainer or a Hex Maniac, but think about how many Shorts Mans there are. I don't think you'd want that. I know I don't

Elon keeps bitching about how hard it is to be the richest man alive. Buddy, I've got two solutions for that problem. Three if you're ready to get real open minded