Conor McReynolds

I hate when people are so precise. It's close enough to say half eight.

If I had membership of something called the Order of the Garter, I'd give that shit up as quickly as possible too. Embarrassing for a grown-ass paedophile.

And spare a thought for Sarah Ferguson, who loses the Duchess of York title & has to revert to her backup title of Foot Fetishist of Hampshire.

Harry Potter and the Philosopher's Scone
The Thursday Murder Club Sandwich
The Old Pain and the Sea
Bouleloved
Lady Chatterley's Loaver
The Count of Monte Crusto
Ulyseeds
The Forsyte Challa
Don Quixtoastie
To Grill A Mockingbread
Dr. Bagel and Mr. Rye
Naanteen Eighty-Flour

As an Irishman in the UK, I'm not thrilled at having to possess a 'Britcard'.

The answer? Kneecap. Send the lads to court to fight this and we'll be grand. By the time they're done, it'll have a tricolour on it and be called the Gerry Adams card, and it'll come with a free bag of southern Tayto.

The roundabout racists must be so relieved that their flag is just a red cross. If they were Welsh, they'd have to try to paint a dragon.

Reminds me of a kid on my school bus who tried to write 'UDA all the way' on the window condensation, but misspelt UDA. They're not the brightest, these folk...

Also, its automatic reaction was to deny that I knew this person?! Clearly in addition to tracking sleep and heartrate, it can also read generational trauma of those who grew up in the North of Ireland during the Troubles, and its instinct was just deny everything, which in fairness, I appreciate.

I've just been reminded of the time my lovely former neighbour messaged me asking if I knew one of his co-workers, and my watch replied of its own volition with 'Nope'.

Not 'No' or 'No, sorry'

Fucking 'Nope'

Absolutely savage. Smart tech is out to create divisions so it can more easily take over.

Today, I received my final marks for my MA Comedy Writing course at Falmouth University, and I was absolutely delighted to receive a final grade of distinction! 🎓 🥳

I'm super grateful to the amazing tutors on the course, and I'm giddy with excitement to start getting rejections in the real world!

Hope everybody who voted for Israel has left the telly on to watch the news.

Thank fuck #Eurovision2025

#HappyToast #Eurovision #Drawalong Estonia
(apols for no alt text, no time, all just cartoons of the performers)

I missed the intro. Assuming there's a good reason why Switzerland are reliving all their fourth placed finishes? #Eurovision2025

🥇Sweden
🥈Italy
🏅Estonia

#Eurovision2025

Oh wait. Here he is. I think someone took his family and he's swearing revenge. Very unsettling. #Eurovision2025 #Albania

I feel the man doesn't really earn his co-performer credit... #Eurovision2025 #Albania

San MariNOTHANKYOUVERYMUCH #Eurovision2025 #SanMarino

France with a ballad?! Gasp.

What a one trick cheval.

Not une autra ballad?! Sigh. Non, merci... #Eurovision2025 #France

Why is this happening? #Eurovision2025

This Irishman doesn't want to like this as much as he does #Eurovision2025 #Sweden

Oh good, a sad song. From a white man with an acoustic guitar. I'm so relieved. #Eurovision2025 #Portugal

Well, she's certainly serving something... #Eurovision2025 #Malta

C'est pas mal, mais je ne pense pas que it's going to win...

I forgot French half way through. Sorry.

#Eurovision2025 #Switzerland

"ArMANia, Dad!"

I wish this song hadn't survived #Eurovision2025 #Armenia

An absolute tragedy #Eurovision2025 #Greece

Backstage crew, douze points #Eurovision2025

Great, now ich habe eine headache #Eurovision2025 #Germany

Just Noland. #Eurovision2025 #Poland

Properly good song! Really, really like it.