Kaeos Reads 🐉📚✨🧚🏼‍♀️

“Alright, John” is the new “ok bro”

That raggedy Republican bitch who famously shit her pants is filming in the middle of this farmers market rn. She asked if I’d talk to her and I told her I’d quite literally rather put needles in my eyes.

She’s definitely bred from a field line hahahha 🤣

My girl could probably accomplish every child’s dream of digging to China.

I was crashing out over the Tell me Lies discourse bc I am trash and have literally dated the MMC. He even looks like him. 🫠

But also, look at the Stranger Things “8 extra episode” debacle.

Mind you, this data is SOLELY from while she is on meds and on doggy “bed rest” because this is a new tracker.

My dog is a fucking menace.

#dogsky #goldenretriever

Otter update. She got spayed last week and looks like the hamburgler in her surgical suit.

I need you guys to know that the doctor had to prescribe extra meds to try and keep her less active while she heals and I fear they made her stronger.

I’m so tired of the internet over-theorizing every single piece of pop-culture and then being pissed when things don’t play out exactly like FartKnocker69’s insane crack theory.

I have started speech therapy for the first time as an adult and I have to say, while I often feel stupid for not being able to verbalize my thoughts, i feel even more stupid for not seeking this help sooner

Oh for sure.

The woman behind him kicked his chair really hard and said “Sir, could you NOT?!” And I almost had to jump out of the plane to contain myself

Update: he switched gears to a tutorial video about pissing.

Boomer raw dogging this flight with no headphones and some fuck ass laugh track sitcom on his phone.

When is violence an acceptable answer

a man in a suit sitting next to a kermit the frog puppet ALT: a man in a suit sitting next to a kermit the frog puppet

I’ve been working my ass off on PR for one specific team (circus) at my company and Bobo the fucking clown decided to pop into my inbox today and chastise me about timeliness of news when I’ve been working with his boss on everything?

I hate it when men

Hi Penelope!! I love her! Otter would die for a play date. ❤️❤️

4 Black journalists have been kidnapped by the federal government

Hey so I’m devastated over Catherine O’Hara.

Reminder that some people can’t speak out right now.

Having a loved one actively in the immigration process has me between a rock and a hard place.

They’re looking for any reason to prolong the process, and every time they do, I’m directly putting money into their pockets.

To be clear about what happened:

Alex Pretti was a Minnesota citizen and ICU nurse doing what thousands in MN are doing: observing and protesting against ICE.

He had a handheld camera. He saw a woman pushed down by ICE. He went to help. Six or more ICE goons came after him.

Otter has officially grown out of her baby harness and can fit into Maisie’s harness. I’m so emo about this. 😭

*loud inhale* yeah, that smells like a muppet renaissance.

We are so back bitches.

I miss a lot of things about home sometimes (not the cold), but god damn I miss Olga’s.

My husband keeps a spreadsheet of all my dream special edition books bc he’s weirdly good at finding deals.

He found one of my unicorns at a reasonable price. I’m cryin 🥲

I love it sm, I’ll take any excuse to put it on 😇

Should I wear my Sybil costume

Rachel Gillig is comin to Fort Meyers just a couple of weeks before my birthday and I’m SCREAMING.

The universe is giving me a GIFT!!!

She got so big and developed some NERVE!

She is definitely in her testing phase

Working from home with a sassy, adolescent golden retriever is like having a boss that micro-manages you.

She’s always watching me over my shoulder, waiting for me to drop the ball, and always has something to say when I say no.

#dogsky

A limpkin has moved into my back yard. While no longer endangered, they are still protected, and I low key feel like he is rubbing it in.

I now have beef with a god damned bird.

My guy is just SCREAMING all night, every night.

A dream come true

I just ordered everything for my bookshelf wall and no one can stop how insufferable I’m about to be.

you know, I normally get very “rah rah usa” during the olympics but I think this year I’m picking a new country.

which does feel sad because it’s not the athletes fault our country is an embarrassment thanks to the orange twat in chief.