rax ‘levon honkers’ king

me: (pays for something with my phone)
phone: good news! you can sign up to earn rewards from here using your phone!
me: no thanks
phone: oh….well don’t worry about missing out on sweet promotions from this place! your phone will email you about em!
me: do not. thanks
phone: (visibly crestfallen)

the ideal customer of course is one who is Chill AND Spending Money, but you’ll grudgingly accept Unchill / Spending, and you’ll be grateful for the emotional reprieve offered by Chill / Spending

restaurant customers must be evaluated along two separate axes: Chill ↔️ Unchill, and Spending Money ↔️ Not Spending Money

enya knows more than you and me put together

looks like the ayes have it

like if it’s really coming up on the end of western cultural domination (as it should) then i’d like some of our best and brightest to get deeply weird with it on our way out of the supernova

i think it would be cool if enya came out of her castle, recorded exactly one note-perfect 25 minute hardcore LP, and immediately secluded herself again

We're out of tech ideas so let's just add Asshole Mode to all products.

The Walkman that spits at you. The microwave that slaps you in the back of your head when you turn around. The soap that steals your identity and sells it on the dark web

i just saw an ad whose implication was, like, ‘you can program alexa to be passive aggressive to you — awesome!’ why would i ever want that. who could ever want that

Dental trouble / Spiritual warfare Sarah Weinman on Epstein’s dentist, and S.I. Rosenbaum talks with religious freedom defender Mikey Weinstein

For my debut at @flaminghydra.com, which I have just joined, I wrote about the utter weirdness of finding out your dentist was in the Epstein Files. flaminghydra.com/issue-514/

For twenty four years people have been trying to kill me! People who know how. Now do you think that's because my dad was a Greek soda pop maker? Or do you think that's because I'm in the Melvins? Go fuck yourself, you fucking child!

The approximate cause of death for Anne Frank was the Nazis. The specific cause of death was the outbreak of Typhus at Bergen-Belsen camp, which overtook her (and others) from chronic malnutrition and medical abuse. These conditions are not, in character, unlike our system of immigration camps today

was reminded of this post

i look WAY less beat up than this and i’m a 34 year old ex junkie what has life done to this child and how can we ensure that life does more of it

lmao jesus christ that’s a rough 22

it’s always funny when some guy with multiple master’s degrees is like ‘sexually assaulting you is just part of their culture’

‘can someone run this mouthy broad back into the kitchen so i can do more empathic feminism’

Congressional Dems are in a tough spot. On one hand, they could gain incredible advantage in the upcoming midterms by vigorously denouncing Trump's reckless war. On the other hand, they like it.

it’s actually classist to expect men to treat you with consideration,

lol at men gently correcting me *in the replies to this very post*

‘it would have gone down different if i saw him pulling that shit’ oh yeah?? i’ll pay you fifty dollars if you call your creepiest friend a creep to his face, without pretending to be joking. hell if your honest reaction to that was ‘but i don’t have a single creepy friend’ i’ll make it a cool hundo

men love to be like ‘if i saw some guy doing that shit to my girl i’d kill him.’ no you wouldn’t lol. you can’t even politely ask your buddy to stop calling women fat bitches or whatever

username checks out lol

go ahead and keep tagging amanda moore in this post i suppose but to be honest if it were me and my stalker i’d rather not be tagged thirty times in every post about him doing something fucked up to someone else

i’ve decided to become a billionaire philanthropist. fifty billion dollars to whoever presents me with the best prototype for Men 2

yep!

guy has apparently since been arrested but his name is bryan betancur battisti and i hope he never lives this bullshit down

the human race’s only failed gender, everybody! better luck with the next one!

just saw a video on IG warning dc area women about a guy who likes to film himself surreptitiously stroking women’s hair on the metro and for whatever reason that’s gonna be the thing that fucking breaks me today. you disgusting people couldn’t leave women alone if you tried could you