rax ‘levon honkers’ king

is the narrator of that second song meant to be from the UK or new jersey lmao

The only two songs you like are called like “Hot Damn (Mule Sure Is Feisty)” and “Oi! Fuck Youse”

ok you know what!!

hell yeah brother 💋

If you hadn't heard that stuff, probably means you should be picking up books or listening to her excellent audiobooks of them. 🤷

no it’s not

‘good morning sunshine! ever yearn for a departed lover with every cell in your body?’

shout out to my apple music for putting this song on its ‘get up in the morning’ playlist for me like jesus christ what kind of day are you trying to make me have lol

as a personal essayist i’m stumped by the prompt. i told you guys all that stuff already

hmm

this is true

Bro, ICE is still here kidnapping people, now they’ve even got transit vans advertising fake companies.

there’s no way to be like ‘when you say weird stuff to me i complain about it to other hot people’ without it sounding sexy and desirable but i promise you would not like the way any of us do it

oh no i can hear it

i’m not judging to be clear. this is just something i’ve learned in my research

some guys have a back where even if they aren’t showing buttcrack it looks like they are. a back that’s in the process of religiously converting to buttcrack

As always

Good morning! Yes, this is he

i would die for him

(squinting at barbra streisand) i wanna say…dominican?

i bet you don’t think lenny bruce looked jewish either huh. i bet you think elliott gould is an episcopalian

today some guy was like ‘rax you don’t look jewish’ in this tone like it was a compliment. i didn’t realize people still said that shit! it’s so rude but more importantly sir i’m not sure what you think a short, beetle-browed brunette with massive cans looks like if not jewish lol

i spent an amount of money on these cherries that i would blanch at paying for a whole meal. and i was right to do so

the other day i bought myself a jar of in-home luxardo cherries and wow turns out i was living like a goddamn animal before. in just a few short days these cherries have become all i’m living for

wow buddy that’s really epic! amazing work! so can you put your mommy on the phone

me: (pays for something with my phone)
phone: good news! you can sign up to earn rewards from here using your phone!
me: no thanks
phone: oh….well don’t worry about missing out on sweet promotions from this place! your phone will email you about em!
me: do not. thanks
phone: (visibly crestfallen)

the ideal customer of course is one who is Chill AND Spending Money, but you’ll grudgingly accept Unchill / Spending, and you’ll be grateful for the emotional reprieve offered by Chill / Spending

restaurant customers must be evaluated along two separate axes: Chill ↔️ Unchill, and Spending Money ↔️ Not Spending Money

enya knows more than you and me put together

looks like the ayes have it