gem 💎

hello megan bayne please dangle fruit just above my head so I can't reach it and recede the waters below my feet so I can't reach them either

oh okay

have spent way too much time in my adult life getting pissed off at drive thrus with two lanes

They complain about how there was no "woke bullshit" in 2014 which is literally when Gamergate happened and WHY Gamergate happened!

man who directed the first twenty minutes of Up suddenly concerned about putting people into therapy

2bular bells

I saw that man transmute lead into gold live on pay-per-view and you're telling me that's less impressive than a left fielder standing there for two and a half hours, occasionally putting his hand up

To be fair both Twists are bops I just think it's funny

like I'm sorry but if you're treating pro wrestling like it's a sport and I'm treating pro wrestling like it's a high production values drag show and YOU think I think it's real, which one of us is the stupid one

if wrestling isn't real explain Hechicero's ability to cast fifth-level spells

Chubby Checker came on the PA at this store and it's always been really funny to me that his biggest hits were The Twist and Hey Guys Remember The Twist Because Here It Is Again

like if Lou Bega had followed Mambo #5 with Mambo #6

Challenge for those who are very confident that pee pee is poo poo: explain doo doo and piss in the toilet

modern conservatism is just posting a photo of a Big Mac you bought thirty seconds ago and going "never forget what they took from you"

what are these people even goddamn talking about anymore, there are still big tacky plastic playgrounds with slides. the woke did not get rid of the sliding firefighter pole to be melted down into catgirl ears.

Hacksaw Jim Duggan coming out to wrestle Hardwork Bobby Walker on WCW Worldwide

democrats loved the 2016 election so much they decided to run every bit of it back again right down to Hillary Was Right About Everything Except Whether She Should Campaign In Wisconsin

did you predict that running as a pro-israel candidate would cost you votes or do your precognitive abilities only extend to things you can act smug about while shielded from literally any consequences for your choices

he used to be named Binge Eater Schwartz until he got alarming news about his A1C

Poker Night 3 roster (official, confirmed):
Iron Man
Harry Potter
Khaleesi
Specifically the Jack Black Bowser
Bandit Heeler (first DLC pack, DLC will ultimately cost five times the cost of the game)

this sucks (it isn't surprising since the entire California nut industry is pretty much fucked), those are my favorite snacks, NO MORE :(

"hang on commissioner"
"batman i'm literally about to die"
"check this shit out"
"batman the ice is on fire now"
"yeah but look over there"

LRS my favorite part of The Dark Knight Rises is when all the cops are trapped on a frozen lake that's about to break at literally any moment and Batman comes to rescue them but before he rescues them he literally stands in front of them and presses a button to activate his big Distant Fire Logo

oh and it turns out alternative energy research is actually a tool for evil french/arabic foreigners to create super bombs

Ditto in Pokopia punches with what I suspect is flawless "For Whom the Bell Tolls" chorus rhythm

GOD DAMMIT

I met Paldean Wooper and it seems like if one thing is in then their evolution usually is so, yeah Clodsire is probably in there somewhere

I think Rowlet might be?

they don't even have any relatives who are OLD never mind fat and/or ugly lmfao

john gotta get over there to get that browns/bengals feud going with mox

gargano noticing ciampa winning a belt his first week in AEW: