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and this time i mean i really am done. Like so so done. People can get mad and guilt me all they want but they realistically cant do anything and if they do ill actually kick their aas

people out here wanting to take advantage of my good nature so fuckn bad

also she asked me for 100$ and when i said no she said "i figured that would be the case" as if she wasnt bragging a few months ago from making 7k from selling puppies and i can barely afford bills

the thing is that honeymoon phase will wear off and they'll want their own space but itll be when theyre off the lease and living there and they'll ask if they can come back here and ill go "hehe no <3"

i cant stress enough how this always happens. How im not allowed to have flaws. im not allowed to make mistakes. im not allowed to rest. because people get mad and scream at me that im not burning myself out for them

but no its totally okay for them to purposely get fired and not pay rent because theyre "healing" and "need to be looked after" like a lil uwu baby. garry cant take a break and garry cant be human and make mistakes bc then im selfish and lazy and r*tarded clearly

like itll never be that i cleaned all of my ex housemate's shit and mowed the front lawn and that i keep up on chores as best as i can by myself. its always "why is the front yard unkempt" and "why isnt everything perfect"

feasible bc it gets messy again, i cant maintain it, my other housemate forgets if i dont ask (no shade to her btw shes great), but people only ever choose to see faults and flaws so they can project negativity

but no, itll be the "i havent been home in months and i come back to the house in this state" bc i havent vacuumed in a week and dishes have piled up. like as if theyve ever been here to see the days i work my ass off when cleaning, and thats never-

the way i cant maintain it 24/7 and its expected to fall on me by literally everyone and if i falter or get depressed suddenly im the one at fault. at least i fucking got a cleaner

i swear if their bitch ass comes home and goes "wah wah why is everything messy" before the cleaner comes tomorrow ill go the fuck off

idk maybe if she didnt literally cut off and abandon everyone who tried to support her then she'd have somewhere to go. i can however take one of her dogs if its potty trained

im just starting my life again so no, no she may not come and stay here, no she cannot expect me to uproot my entire life to cater for her, no she cannot expect me to put myself through all the pain and guilt i went thru this year again for her

this is what i replied with

ah that explains why my mum is suddenly trynna be nicey-nice with everyone again + randomly apologized to me the other day about the airport

i have a secret: im mainly just hoarding my various animal carcasses bc even tho i rly do wanna do taxidermy i get executive dysfunction/action paralysis/fear ill fuck it up and feel bad for the animal itself. it also feels like a waste to just throw them away

think i need to tack on another half hour to my bus journey back home bc theres no way in hell im stopping at the closest train station being near where i tried to kill myself a few years ago

i legit love ur art sm ngl, the edges and larger eyes are very nostalgic to me. LOVE that you draw older women too

art of a nautilus on a blue background with a blue swirly border.

for day 6 of #ArtAdventCalendar, it's a nautilus!

#art #sciart

aaaaaaaaaa showered for the first time in almost a week aaaaaaaaaa

and youd think?? that bc of all the times this has happened that id get over it? that id be used to it? but i cant bc when i love somebody i love them so so much and let them in so it hurts just as much when they leave

i love bpd <3

it hurts so so so much. being abandoned is one of the worst things in the world, especially when someone else replaces you

i ended up deleting my server and leaving our group chat bc im just. i need to avoid so i dont split and self harm or blow up at this person. im entitled to my pain and my triggers and im entitled to talk about it but im not gonna make them feel bad just in case they ARE just going through it

its dumb its dumb its so dumb esp bc this person is way younger so its probably just that + the shit theyre going through but!! i wish they'd include me again!! i wish they still wanted to be my friend and find out how i am!! i wish their distance and circumstance doesnt feel like they hate me!!

not having a bf in the same group (bc im aroace!!) and b) bc i said no to having sex with people and they got a partner and ignored me bc i wouldnt provide it.

distant but even then its just. why dont they message me casually about hanging out?? they hardly reply to my messages and only did when i had a massive breakdown two months ago about this fear. they know its a rly specific trigger of mine bc in the past ive been heavily abandoned for a)-

only messaged me about money the other day. and it was genuinely just heartbreaking bc i rly adore this person and we were rly close friends. they've told me it isnt bc of their relationship with their bf (and? their bf is super nice!! i like him a lot, he treats them well) that theyre growing-

im getting rly triggered from an irl of mine who ever since they got a bf has literally been avoiding and ignoring me. they told me theyre going through some stuff and dont wanna burden me and "need to be looked after by their bf" but they dont check in anymore with our conjoined friend group and-

life doesnt suck for me in fact everything (mostly) is going rly freaking well. i just had this kind of like. collective collapse the other day and bc my meds are a bit unstable im still trynna work thru it