Transphobes Delenda Est 🏳️‍⚧️🏳️‍🌈

Tonight I learned I have this fiancée

Get yourself a fiancée that goes into Advanced Good Samaritan Mode after witnessing a car accident and even does a better job of checking in on everyone than some of the emergency services

Crasher Wake? More like Crasher Woke

Launching a single-issue campaign and that issue is legalizing counterfeiting. "If it looks like a dollar, it is a dollar"

I need to drink that shit that made Rip Van Winkle sleep for 20 years

I will always remember the off-season of "Bryce Harper's dog is named Wrigley"

Inventing a way to make my costs float so I never get duped by the sunk cost fallacy

A photo of Donald Trump with the label "he" grabbing the crotch of William Jefferson "Bubba" Clinton with the label "his mind out in a car"

I read the news today, oh boy

Bipartisanship but for presidents 69ing

Putin opened the oldest flash drive and revealed that Trump blew Bill

Life is like a toothbrush: sometimes dry, sometimes wet

Dershowitz storming the CNN studio with his sack lunch at any moment, presumably

I knew the dragon would be hidden, but I didn't even see the crouching tiger!

Good night, sleep tight, and if you want to let those bed bugs bite cause you're a little freaky with it, I ain't gonna stop you

I feel sorry for whoever gets Kyle Tucker

Make sure to leave some peanuts and Cracker Jack out for Abner Doubleday

This World Series thing is fun. They should do it every year

GAME 9 STARTS NOW

With how this postseason has gone, we're about to witness the first ever 9-6-7-2 Double Play or some shit

Glad an entirely new fanbase can experience the same trauma that the Rajai Davis home run inflicted upon us Cubs fans

a man with a beard wearing a blue hat covering his face Alt: Gandalf the Grey

A baseball game is never too short nor too long. It lasts precisely as long as it means to

a group of men are sitting around a table with a bowl of ashes on it Alt: That scene in The Wolf of Wall Street where the boys are banging on a table chanting "one of us"

EXTRAS, EXTRAS, EXTRAS

FUCK YES. I LOVE THE GROUNDS CREW. LET'S FUCKING GOOOOOO

Regardless of team affiliation, I think we can all agree that Vladimir Guerrero is the sickest name ever and one of the few exceptions in my disdain towards fathers pulling a "name it me"

Recycling my rocks by tossing them into a volcano

Was entirely convinced that Glasnow would be walking out of the bullpen at the end of the game in a Boras Corp hat

We were approaching "exits the bullpen in a Boras hat" territory

Tyler Glasnow is never coming into this game lol

The thing about Game 7 is that it's the last game. No more games. The players should be thinking about that. The managers too

Waldo is perhaps the strongest Halloween costume. Everyone's face lights up when they see their first Waldo of the night