Jess Zipkin

Not to misuse bluesky as linkedin, but..

I'm wrapping up a contract, so if you need a writer that's made *gestures at big pile of games, comedy, advertising* I'll be on the market soon

Signed up to be a Girl Scout Troop Leader because *no one* else would do it and I promised my kid she could join. Have no idea what I’m doing. None. Zero. 19 little girls following me into chaos and confusion.

8yo: We don’t do anything fun anymore. It’s all school and work

Me: Immediately purchases FONDUE for dinner in an effort to reclaim “Fun Mom” title I never had

Field hockey with 7 year olds is terrifying.

Step 1: Find a restaurant with coinciding “kids hours” and Happy Hour.

Step 2: Go there with half a dozen friends and their kids every week.

Step 3: Tip well.

Step 4: Do not leave a mess.

Took my baby into the delicious warm Summer rain so he could feel it fall from the sky for the first time in his life today.

He screamed at it to stop. Just angry scream babbling and gesturing at the sky (and me) every time a drop plopped onto his cranky miniature old man face until we went inside.

Creating brand new tension and hostility between neighbors by asking in the local Facebook group where I can get breaded fried eggplant as a topping on my pizza.

Husband has been putting our baby to sleep with the LOTR soundtrack and my new post-partum craving is to order Enya CD’s by mail and find a listening station with those big CD sample buttons to chaotically press for 10 minutes.

Me to my 7yo: Walk away when kids are mean or say things you don’t like! Don’t waste your time arguing with people.

Me to total strangers on the internet: First of all how dare you.

The Taco Bell drive thru at 1 am will have a $200k Mercedes S65 waiting right behind a '96 Cavalier that's never had the oil changed followed by a moped ridden by three people. All craving the same thing: to Live Más. Truly the last great melting pot of class in this country.

“My family thinks I’m dead” says Grimace. “I’m ashamed to let them see what I’ve become.” Purple tears well up in his giant eyes and drop into a McDonalds shake cup