shaungamble5

My wife told me she was going to leave me if I didn’t stop singing I’m a believer. I thought she was joking.

But then I saw her face....

The inventor of hard boiled eggs wrapped in sausage meat has just died.

RIP Scott Chegg

My mate just phoned me in tears.

His wife just left him taking his Bob Marley CDs and the satellite dish.

Poor bastard.

No woman no sky. #YFB

They tell me going out wearing only a silky bath sheet is unacceptable...

But how can something that feels so right be sarong?

Last night I reached for my liquid Viagra and accidently swigged from a bottle of tippex.

I woke up this morning with a huge correction.

Arsenal will not win the league

We’re are own worst enemy 2 weeks off and start over….again!!!!!

Ffs absolute dire

Come on reds keep going it'll come 🤞🏻

Premier League decision on PSR changes 'coming up' - Richard Masters A decision on whether to scrap the Premier League's profit and sustainability rules and adopt an

What about the 115 charges !!!!!
www.bbc.co.uk/sport/footba...

RIP Patrick Murray loved by Millions of fans from only fools and horses As Mickey Pearce who has sadly passed away❤️🙏🏻😔 RIP Mickey

Good luck reds try your best keep going , I’m knackered so possibly a stress free night Zzzzzzz 😅

After the week I’ve had mate losing every football game this season wouldn’t be as painful… best foot forward

Got what we deserved fuck all

Get a grip and get going

Ffs sake Liverpool

Monday morning at work speaking too a mate a leeds fan who I’ve known for almost 35 years both said Chelsea were crap had a laugh about 15 mins later he had a massive heart attack and passed away he was 6 years younger than me life just isn’t fair 😔❤️🙏🏻 RIP ANDY

Should stick it on one of the porn channels with the rest of the cnuts 🤣🤣

They’ll still be wanting government money… sorry tax payers money as well , I’m not chipping in for that shite 🤣

Get well soon #Leoni #Lfc

Signed and rtd mate

A Free Press, Not a Free Pass – It's Time for Fair Regulation For too long, the UK press have bullied people, harassed grieving families, and destroyed lives, all to sell papers. We’ve all seen the heartbreaking consequences. They’ve hacked phones, listened to ...

Did you watch The Hack? I can't believe papers have gotten away with destroying lives for so long. That's why I've signed the petition, set up by Hugh Grant and other phone hacking victims, to demand fair, independent regulation. Join me: you.38degrees.org.uk/petitions/a-...

Premier League black market tickets: Liverpool shut down 145,000 accounts in crackdown Liverpool shut down 145,000 ticket accounts over the past two years as part of a crackdown against touting, BBC Sport can reveal.

www.bbc.co.uk/sport/footba...

I just bought a thesaurus and when I got it home, all the pages were blank.

I have no words to describe how angry I am.

Me to Dr: I’ve hurt my penis in a surfing accident

Dr: Did you fall off your board

Me: No I slammed my laptop shut when the wife walked in

Went to an Indian restaurant last night and had a pelican curry.

Food was ok, but the bill was enormous!

How do you weigh a chilli pepper?

Give it a weigh, give it a weigh, give it a weigh now!

I asked Sean Connery whats his favourite London landmark was?

"Shard"

I know it is mate but just give it a go..

What do you call a Scottish man who works in a cloakroom?

Angus Mccoatup