michael swaim 🏳️‍🌈🏳️‍⚧️

Our most popular tiers are usually six bucks and fifteen bucks, so half that!

Not sure if you even need the code to get the deal, but in case you do the code is -

BEENISMEEL

Small Beans | Patreon Creating Podcasts, Movies and Other Shenanigans.

We're running a Small Beans sale for the first time to see if it's a useful thing to do!

For the next week, if you've never patronized us before or are chillin' in the free tier, you're invited to take half off your first month if you upgrade to paid.

www.patreon.com/cw/SmallBeans

refusing to release handshake: "seriously, call me it."

overheard at a BBQ meatcute - Please, Sir Loin was my father, just call me Mr. Crotch!

Exciting Movie Review / Unexciting Job Description - "Riveting from start to finish."

MY TOP TEN JOKES 😆 AND TOP FIVE REPLIES ⤴️ OF THE WEEK 🧵 (thread)

NUMBER TEN

bsky.app/profile/mich...

They all float down here

spoken like a true sheep, which is also a perfectly fine thing to be

In Soviet Russia, relentless forward march of your signature catchphrase make TIME irrelevant.

Writing a kid's book called "The Extra Wiggly Smooth Blind Caterpillar" who finds out they're a worm when all their friends metamorphosize and fly away and they're forced to understand that by setting more realistic expectations there's just as much fun to be had in the dirt.

MY TOP TEN JOKES 😆 AND TOP FIVE REPLIES ⤴️ OF THE WEEK 🧵 (thread)

NUMBER TEN

bsky.app/profile/mich...

therealganz - Twitch Adam Ganser streams here. Be warned.

Starting a fresh run of Reanimal with @ganz.bsky.social at www.twitch.tv/therealganz

it was an incredible strain on their wrists

Simpsons characters in a big group shower.

Starship Troopers, Dir. Paul Verhoeven (1997)

Yes! Fully intend to come back to it over and over again in fits and starts until my son is 15 - 18.

Marty McFly stands between two kids in Back to the Future II evincing the properties described in the post.

dudes, forget the hoverboard that can't even handle water - why doesn't my kid dress like the kid on the right?! Where's MY girl-coded neck-mounted child-safe drone launchpad?????

Marty from Back to the Future II holding his hoverboard.

Z6 Ultra Hoverboard for sale on Google Shopping tab.

We all caved on the definition of hoverboard - I would argue wrecking the whole of the global infrastructure for more oil to gas ourselves to death so we can bury the corpses of our worst Billionaires in ziggurats of pure gold feels, if anything, even closer to "over the proverbial line."

We're trying to make it feel more like the future and you're not helping.

A bunch of old-timey warrior vikings from Adventure Time. One is smacking another and saying "Stop that! We're done with that!"

tfw your country launches a Napoleonic war of territorial expansion and military conquest in the year 2026

In America, we've always been "Ride Or Die" for individual freedoms. Die was ALWAYS one of the options. You have to give us that.

Welcome to my small batch hand-blown glass buttplug pop-up! Feel free to browse, just remember store policy - you break em, you bottom.

Petition to rename unicorns goonicorns cuz they’re always horny. Signatures below:

The ideals of the Dance Dance Revolution have proved hollow and decadent, Green Day Rock Band stands as living witness to that fact.

An ad for Skip-it.

The lou:

Gently taking a broken lou away from my infant son, stifling a surge of frustration: hm, maybe skip to your own lou for a while before you try to skip to mine honey. Daddy’s lou isn’t a toy.

Stan Winston too, but more to show he's "still got it" in the animatronics dept. than a sobering political truth.

"We're doing a good job," they'd say, even while doing a bad job. this was their genius

Cutest i could find rn

just coined the phrase "he came like a clown-car" in casual conversation and I'm unduly proud about it

Part of the poster for the movie Twice Upon a Time.

"you remember honey, he was Ralph the All-Purpose Animal in that tissue-paper cartoon movie that doesn't exist that I'm clearly making up?"