@parakeet.bsky.social
100% hate my life guarantee
Life pro tip: donβt be fat ugly or stupid
05.01.2025 20:12 β π 2 π 0 π¬ 0 π 1Is this the premium content you have been holding back from twitter
12.04.2023 23:48 β π 1 π 0 π¬ 1 π 0No
12.04.2023 03:47 β π 0 π 0 π¬ 0 π 0I ate the vaccine
11.04.2023 19:13 β π 4 π 0 π¬ 0 π 0Question for men: you meet a girl and discover that she elected to do a non-medical full mouth dental extraction is this a smash or a red flag
11.04.2023 19:09 β π 5 π 1 π¬ 3 π 0This is true
11.04.2023 16:56 β π 1 π 0 π¬ 0 π 0
10.04.2023 20:56 β π 1 π 0 π¬ 0 π 0
Just pick a dream from the vending machine
10.04.2023 20:48 β π 1 π 0 π¬ 0 π 0She smells like suntan lotion and gasoline
10.04.2023 20:47 β π 2 π 0 π¬ 0 π 0Crabs are ancient creatures that look so alien that they seem cursed. Like god is speaking through the crab and the message he is trying to impart is dark and terrifying
10.04.2023 04:23 β π 1 π 0 π¬ 0 π 0Happy birthday :)
10.04.2023 04:02 β π 1 π 0 π¬ 0 π 0I agree
10.04.2023 04:02 β π 1 π 0 π¬ 0 π 0
Mood
10.04.2023 03:59 β π 0 π 0 π¬ 0 π 0Mine wonβt be either
10.04.2023 03:55 β π 1 π 0 π¬ 0 π 0Last night I made out with a Russian bot. It was kinda nice
10.04.2023 03:53 β π 0 π 0 π¬ 0 π 0This is what Iβve been trying to say this entire time. Thank you.
10.04.2023 03:46 β π 1 π 0 π¬ 0 π 0Us: letβs be best friends and take out a shared life insurance policy
Everyone else: yehaw
Everyone else: on blast
10.04.2023 03:41 β π 1 π 0 π¬ 1 π 0Letβs forge an alliance
10.04.2023 03:36 β π 1 π 0 π¬ 1 π 0π
10.04.2023 03:28 β π 1 π 0 π¬ 0 π 0I have crabs
10.04.2023 03:21 β π 1 π 0 π¬ 0 π 0Yes me Iβm here letβs melt our brains into a big puddle
10.04.2023 03:19 β π 4 π 0 π¬ 0 π 0βOh no not you go awayβ
10.04.2023 03:18 β π 3 π 0 π¬ 1 π 0Hello friends what type of seismic meltdown are we in the mood for today?
10.04.2023 03:18 β π 5 π 0 π¬ 2 π 0
