Cherry Wallflower 🍒🌸❤️💚

*insert "hey.... hey... how y'all doing" video clip from reality tv show that is often used by stan twitter accounts*

this final point is soooo important. when people fully commit to what they're doing, it's so charming, whether it's technically "good" or not. I often forget about that when I think too much about myself <_<

also, yes I'm replying 5 months later xD I'm dusting the cobwebs off of this account bahha

I can't really describe it simply. It really just doesn't make any sense but it's plaguing me nontheless.

but then it's like, ok how do you let go of perfectionism? well, idk, I'm trying to figure that out. and my idea of perfectionism isn't even what many people probably have in mind, I mean, I'm not too insecure to make mistakes in front of people or say something ppl think is cringe

yes a simple comment like this really does help encourage me 🥳

i swear I'm not a huge pathetic insecure mess, but I am trying to work on my ability to believe that others truly believe in me and that I mean something to people. i think this is just a result of deep loneliness woooow ok emo chick here I guess *brushes hair over eyes*

I'm insecure, and seeing people succeed who aren't at my idea of perfect makes me think that maybe there is just something different about them that I don't have that allows them to bypass that idea of perfect I have in my mind.

even bother, but THEN that just makes me seem like I'm the most skilled amazing charming person ever which is so not the case. This just some form of perfectionism. If I felt like I was my version of perfect, then it doesn't matter what others are doing. but since I'm not at my level of perfect,

in general, I am always seeing people succeed online doing the bare minimum and people gaining a huge following with less than stellar skills and, well, I guess they're a good person, idk them, so I'll give them that I guess. it just makes me think that if THAT is what people want, then why should I

but then again I'm gonna probably still post it lol

I keep over thinking about sharing anything now. I'm still recording, editing, and making this but not hitting post. oh woe is me woe is me

I wanna post karaoke videos for people who have followed me for quite some time to see if I've improved my singing skills, but I also think no one is gonna be interested in that because it's not like a proper cover and it's gonna have mistakes and so if I can't imagine people enjoying it why post it

my mom said she is now team luigi
before she felt sorry for the ceo and felt sorry that a GOOD LOOKING young guy threw his life away

well, the latter is still fair to feel kinda sad over lolomg
But also wow omg FINALLLLY

living at home will be a lot easier now when I need to make the change

her radicalization moment: job switched to a new insurance company, it's like $400 a month from her pay, she tries to apply for obamacare, the guy tells her that the trump administration is making a lot of changes that makes it hard to approve people who get offered insurance through employer

my mom is FINALY ANTi-TRUMP

YouTube video by DEARSTAGE Inc. 【PVフル】古川未鈴 - みりかる★ファンタジー【3.22発売】

one of my next original song music videos is gonna feel like this lol
www.youtube.com/watch?v=lStP...

people have got to stop using the words "authentic japanese" when like no japanese people were involved in organizing or producing that thing omg

and also I've only been able to do one small event per year since 2021 so like, that also is straight up why I've not been able to include as much people as I would like to on a lineup LOL. but when I can do more events, I'll definitely be able to bring more people along for the ride

but ultimately, my goal has always been to help with building indie idol in the u.s. to be a music scene/music genre that can stand on its own without too much comparisons to what's going on in japan and having enough appeal to survive outside of anime conventions

This thread isn't even about anything in particular, just me reflecting on what I've done in the past, and what I plan to do in the future. Ultimately, I know that there are people who might dislike me and be mad at me because they call themselves an idol yet I'm not asking them to be in my events,

in concept? idk, what exactly is hyperpop anyway? FIRST it was a small soundcloud collective and well, it got appropriated, but anyways lol

I guess I can't take all the credit because many years ago someone else planted the idea in my head that kaigai idols aren't too different from hyperpop singers. I imagine as more original indie idol music is made in english, it can feel very hyperpop adjacent, not necessarily in sound but

means I did a good job at selling this thing. And that probably might also mean that the j-pop lovers and serious idol fans loved it even more.

it's not that I want to appeal to everyone (which will inevitably leaving you to appeal to no one) but I always just had this vision of growing things to be bigger and if I can have people at my event who don't know a darn thing about j-pop or idols watch it and enjoy it, that REALLY

I say this is the best thing I can do because I feel like I have the skills to at least be the one to help nudge us forward. Of course not everyone is into that. there are many who prefer to focus on a smaller scope, which, hey, is way less overwhelming.

but I tihnk the best thing I can do is to help us break out of the bubble if we really want to be more successful as singers and performers and have more opportunities opened up for us and for more people to take us "seriously" and not just j-pop rip offs or, the ever infamous, "kawaii dancers" lol

So do that I know I've had to make decisions for events that people within the kaigai idol community probably didn't like and probably hold resentment to me towards. it's fair. I also have dealt with rejection and being ignored from major convention festivals, so I get it.

some kind of vision that I wanted to execute and my target audience wasn't just the kaigai idol community but also regular people who might not even know much about idols or j-pop beyond anime songs so that we can grow our followings and audiences to something outside of our niche.

I'm finally really understanding the difference between community driven events and artistically driven events. I really see many positives for the kaigai idol community, but I'm not sure if I can really call any of my events really all that community driven because I've always had

I really can't stand fake friendliness. Like, I'm seeing someone being friendly with someone obviously because the person has a huge following and that person being friendly back I just know does not care to actually meet up with that peson because, why would they? lol

There is so much to do omg

I wanna be secretive, but I really can't. I have a blog/podcast idea, and a brand idea, documentary ideas, and well, that's enough for now lol. I wanna share ALL the ideas but I sound crazy cuz no way all of that can happen this year unless...