need_more_meta

so Sam kisses Dean. it happens. little brothers get confused.
so Sam kisses Dean again, two years later. and again, in another two years, and he's not so little anymore, and Dean can't keep lying to either of them.
so Dean kisses Sam back.
big brothers get confused, too.

and what if Dean knows his teen brother is pining for him without Sam having to tell him? what if he kisses Sam as a gift on his 18th birthday? what if he says, "I know, Sammy" and "it's okay" and "you're okay" and "we're okay"? what if, just for a moment, they really are okay?

❤️💙😂!

teenage Sam spying on Dean's dates and realizing, in a white flash of terror, that he doesn't want to be Dean getting the girl—he wants to be the girl getting Dean.
he doesn't know what to do with this knowledge except run, so he runs, but he can't run away from himself.

elmo from sesame street is standing in front of a fire ALT: elmo from sesame street is standing in front of a fire

I'm having a surplus of wincest feelings before bed 😂

Sam kissing Dean just before leaving for college, just before the fight with Dad, telling him he wants Dean to come with but knows he won't, so at least let him have this, and Dean kisses back, shock turning to a brief flash of happiness that slides into devastation.

thinking about Sam thinking about Dean thinking about him as they lie in their beds, Sam at Stanford, Dean in a crappy motel, remembering the last time they fucked, a lifetime ago and like it was yesterday, stroking themselves and pretending they aren't thinking about each other.

thank you for offering! 💛 I'm trying to figure out how to do it without trauma dumping, and I just keep retraumatizing myself more, it's fun

thank you so much, friend! 🫂💛

#supernatural #spn

“God-defiers, world-defilers, poison of order,” Hel lists, and Dean wonders if they should feel flattered to have so many titles attached to them. “I was told about you.” She clicks her tongue and comes back to stand in front of them. “You are disappointing.”

mental breakdown continues. have been crying for three days straight, and not even about the finale. barely able to write. not meeting my word count targets at all. have no one to talk to. this is fine.

today's Roman Empire is Dean praising Sam's high school play, nothing like a supportive big brother 🥹

mental illness is so dumb. you need support because you are mentally ill, but you don't deserve support because it's not like you have a real solvable issue, you're just mentally ill.

thank you!! 💛

thank you so much friend! 🫂💛

realized why the church scene hits me so hard: for most of my life, I was literally thinking “I’m letting my big brother down by being alive” AND he confirmed it.
I don’t have a punchline for this, just a desperate need to know that at least someone is okay with me existing.

my current WIPs (that I write one after another on the same day) are: a humorous case fic that's cracking me up, angsty Stanford/season 1 mutual pining that's breaking my heart, and a happy Heaven fic that's making me cry my eyes out.
emotional whiplash? I don't know her.

haha, hope you enjoy! 💛💛💛

will you throw me to the ground like you mean it need_more_meta Summary: Maybe Sam stopped fucking Dean, but it doesn’t mean Dean can fuck someone else. Not as far as Sam’s concerned anyway. Set after S05E04 The End.

❤️will you throw me to the ground like you mean it💙

~6k, season 5 #wincest, jealous Sam, mentioned Dean/Cas one-night-stand, explicit, first time in a long time

archiveofourown.org/works/71879076

I started writing my Heaven fic and burst into tears two sentences in. I remain completely normal.

I need to start writing my Heaven fic for an event, so I'm going in circles around the kitchen and crying about the finale. gonna tell myself that this is an important part of the process.

sometimes I ask myself, am I tired of Sam and Dean? do I want to move on to some other ship? should I look for a different obsession?
the only right answer is ARE YOU OUT OF YOUR FUCKING MIND SAM AND DEAN ARE FOREVER SOULMATES AND YOU EXIST TO WORSHIP THEM
and so I do.

missed yesterday’s writing hours, so I got up at 5:30 am today to write yesterday’s portion and then sat down to write today’s portion after work. I’ve written almost 3k words in total today, and 1) I'm exhausted; 2) it's, uh, it's possible. should I do it every day now.

can't decide how I want to position the boys for brotherfucking in the Impala, so I guess it's time for 3k of foreplay and awkward attempts at undressing

this just keeps happening!

at this point, I don't think I can 😂

Thank you so, so much!! 💛💛💛

gonna wear this definition with pride 😎

🤝🫂✍️

creative brains are bitches like this 🫂