Baby at 2:30, suddenly realizing it's snack time:
(stands up) Ah! (enthusiastically signs "food" several times) AaaaAaaaAAAAAA! (runs to the door and smacks it) AAAAAAAAAA

Just saw a fox being loudly escorted out of our yard by crows

Well I WAS gathering up the cushions to wash them...

Life hack for babies: Just take the bottom of the shape sorter off and put all the shapes through the big hole 🙄

:o that's wild

Baby has become obsessed with trying to draw. She's got a 2% success rate for holding the pencil right to do anything but she's all about it

Kid: (watching a movie) When were they born?
Me: 1984 or something.
Kid: Wait... 19?!
Me: I was born in the 1900s too, you know.
Kid: (drawn out gasp)

Enough people at the zoo told the Baby "good job" when she was walking around that she literally just started walking and continuously clapping, like "yes, I've learned this earns praise, I'm gonna just give myself a round of applause."

Judge Theodore D. Chuang of the U.S. District Court in Maryland ruled that the Defendants’ unilateral decision to shut down USAID likely violated the US Constitution. Indefinitely blocked the agency’s dismantling and barred Musk’s staffers from accessing sensitive personal data maintained by USAID.

Recently Baby has been playing on the toy piano and smashing the keys and getting SO EXCITED that she leans forward and then bites the piano

A federal judge ordered six federal agencies to rehire thousands of probationary workers fired under Musk’s government-cutting initiative. Judge William J. Alsup ruled the firings unlawful, carried out unilaterally by the Office of Personnel Management (OPM).

My brain, dreaming: the phantom of the Opera is running a boot camp in Texas for people who have trouble staying hydrated and everyone there gets a magic skeleton horse to ride around

Me: No thank you, that's TOO nonsense, I'm waking up now

Baby is entranced by fingernail clippers, and always wants to take them after I clip her nails. She holds them to her fingers and says "ssk ssk" (clip clip) and then tries to eat them while shaking her head "no" at me because she knows I tell her not to do that

Please read—this is becoming serious!

Looks at baby in the monitor: she's sitting up, talking to herself
Looks at baby in the monitor three seconds later: face planted on the mattress and sound asleep

Trump Team Weighs Pulling Funding for Moderna Bird Flu Vaccine US health officials are reevaluating a $590 million contract for bird flu shots that the Biden administration awarded to Moderna Inc., people familiar with the matter said.

Trump Team Weighs Pulling Funds for Moderna Bird Flu Vaccine

What could possibly go wrong? 🤨

Yay!! A federal judge in California sided with a coalition of unions, temporarily barring the Office of Personnel Management from ordering federal agencies to terminate probationary workers, stating that the firings were ‘illegal, should be stopped, and rescinded.’

Me: You're silly.
Baby: (shakes head)
Me: You're NOT silly?
Baby: (nods)
Me: I think you are.
Baby: (shakes head)
Me: Oh, okay.

Kid: I poured my own milk without spilling it!
Me: Nice work! Do you know what to do if you did spill the milk?
Kid: (deadpan) Call the police.

The baby just walked up and asked me to clip her fingernails. I have such weird children (affectionate)

What the actual fuck?! America, it’s time to rise. When tyranny becomes law, rebellion becomes duty!

Me: Hey, don't karate chop people.
Kiddo: Isn't that what karate chopping is for?

Kiddo: Ugh! I'm feeling so Nancy!
Me: ...do you mean antsy?

The baby has decided it's her job to carry the can of cat food in to feed the cats in the evening

The Trump administration has placed two top security chiefs at the U.S. Agency for International Development on leave after they resisted turning over classified material in restricted areas to Elon Musk’s staffers. America, please stand with us—we are fighting to defend this country!

Today's autocorrect: my papercut is getting infected --> my haircut is getting infected

Eeee, just saw a fox! 🥰

The baby doesn't like to eat carrots, but she does like to pinch dog fur out of the carpet and put THAT in her mouth