The Saturn System

One of our perp alters showed back up after years and hurt our newest alter…

I think I’m forming a fictive and it’s confusing. Does anyone have experience with that that will talk to me??

Sometimes it feels like m*ta is trying to kill me. It started showing me posts about people choosing to die and it’s just gotten worse and worse. I try so hard not to watch, but sometimes I don’t realize right away and NO ONE USES TRIGGER WARNINGS PROPERLY

a man with a ring on his finger says fair in sign language ALT: a man with a ring on his finger says fair in sign language

#CoConConvos
Nay: I’ve been a functioning stoner for a long time
Anya: *snorts* functional?
Nay: Yeah. I would function ALOT worse without it
Anya:

The services are tomorrow so I’m gonna need to distract myself real good

It is taking every ounce of strength in my body not to go lock myself in the bathroom right now

I wish I could go inside and just sleep for a while. Let the others handle this shit themselves for a while. I need a break and if I don’t get one…we won’t live much longer. But I’m not allowed inside and idk why. So I’m stuck on the slow road, white knuckling through every single second.

Someone is remembering something but idk who and idk what

Two days in a row now someone has been triggered by what feels random to me. When I try to figure it out all I get is a feeling of being young. It’s like I’m trying to grasp a time period I don’t remember. It’s just a swirl of emotion and it’s rele disorienting.

I just want to cry and cry but that’s not going to happen so…

One of my moms family members died and all I can think about is that my abuser will be in this state soon

We got super triggered last night and Boo(4) was finally able to request being read to out loud. We struggle with allowing the littles to do little things. But wifey read a chapter of Peter Pan and it was actually really comforting

Had an assault nightmare last night. It was the worst I’ve had in a while. And it was long and detailed. I’m so tired

Idk if we’ll be able to resist the next time we’re near a scale 🙃

Raise your hand if you've been personally victimized by existence

Like I don’t WANT to live this way but being on that med was worse

When I told my psych I wasn’t interested in antipsychotics because the last one cut me off from my alters, she said “oh you like your alters” it felt so icky

I keep thinking, if nothing happened, why am I reacting this way? Like this all feels reminiscent of when other ‘bigger’ things have surfaced before 😔

#DIDfeels 🤣🤣🤣

One of the worst things about DID is uncovering something new. And I don’t even have access to my fucking headspace yet

I literally feel like every time I turn around there is something to remind me of my pain. It’s exhausting. I just want to lay down and…. Sleep…

They’ve already won

‘To be fair…’ is becoming my least favorite thing to hear

Struggling with the desire to not wake up tomorrow. For tomorrow not to come. I don’t want to deal but idk how to make myself feel better. I’m injured and it feels like everything that could help would cause me pain

Tomorrow is my birthday. I’m not doing well

My therapist floated the idea that my mom could be a DID system as well… which would honestly just piss me off 😂🙃

FINALLY GOT BACK INTO THIS ACCOUNT. Thank fucking god

This is the realist shit I’ve ever seen

Anya’s doppelgänger is this actress from Lost Girl and I’m ITCHING for a rewatch. The first time I saw her I pointed at the screen and screamed ‘OHMYGODITSANYA’

My best friend is going to die and I’m a thousand miles way and can do absolutely nothing. Our medical industrial system is… evil