girl chunks in brine

just found out that david foster wallace was not a tboy :-(

(stunna boy voice) i got jalapeño on my dick i’m burning my dick right now

you have a way with words

girl nipples

i wonder if calvin from the park tool videos has boy nipples

sighing and tearing off another “complimentary footjob” coupon from the perforated footjob coupon booklet to mail to the irate white woman who has been holding up the phone at the for-profit diy hrt service desk because we shipped her dog bone shaped prog suppositories instead of the cat paw ones

if this was just after the catgirl-lex-walton-goop-bucket part then that was probably me. it was more of a very close call than a full ralph though. i’ve never gotten sick from recorded media before. anyway i really enjoyed the movie

bald and/or gay men are my real-life lolcows

i don’t turn into a dog to cum, i turn into a dog so that i can pass off the liability to my ‘owner’ when i purposefully knock over an annoying, short bisexual man

more like the seattle seamen (LOL!) gave me an 8th inning grand slam *in the balls!!* because i totally cummed when they did that last night :D keep up the good work guys

i love the seattle marinara baseball team. of course the man who hits the ball good has a saucy ass. i want to ride a trollybus to the stadium and walk through light misty rain without a coat. i don’t care if we lose

if i had my boob jiggle waveform i’d feed it into a vocoder and play those girls like daft punk or something

hold still, we’re making a bode plot of your boobs

grok, do a fourier analysis of that boob jiggle

i call it laying pipe because i will let women who are plumbers fuck me. maybe in their work vans next to the pex fittings and basin wrenches

if one of your roommates has trouble doing the dishes, maybe try telling her that the kitchen sink is like a bidet for her plates and bowls

they tortured a lot of people in the catholic inquisitions to figure out if they had butt sex but if you did that today they’d probably cum

they named the entire neighborhood ”edgewater” but i don’t think we should be encouraging that. someone might get a uti from the lake

je suis carlo

“slow neck head all the way down” is nothing compared to rocking stim head when i rock slowly and also all the way down

there would be something poetic about my unreinforced masonry apartment collapsing in a massive earthquake and crushing me under the weight of all the bricks

the third inning kidney stone, the second inning anal fissure, and, of course, the ill-fated first inning fisting scene followed by a high-oxalate snack that started it all

i’d eat the fuck outta shrek’s ovegrown tboy pussy

soft rains wash dust off my feet,
long ago, far past, now to june.
mourn no tyrant sun, that regime of heat,
but that collar tan, which really slay’d poon.

she calls you mommy (awooga), buuuut she’s a birdgirl and you’re about to eat dinner..

AGP like the cigarette burn selfie album (frequently opened)

my bidet-having friends who still buy new tp, how do you sleep at night knowing you tolerate bidetphobia? you sit in silence as your houseguests wipe. shame.

of course we should destroy the usual things like cops and private property and suburbs and animal agriculture, but i also hope everyone knows that there will be no place for fake bisexuals

someone should produce a trans retelling of The Birds where the protagonist feeds her girlfriend squirty cherry tomatoes and nectarines as a clicker treat, thus accidentally and malevolently clicker training the fruit fly infestation endemic to their shared apartment

proofing two parallel loaves in wicker baskets, call that a frotform