spook-e. honda civic

i used to love sleeping with strangers so much. it's really remarkable that i never ended up dismembered in a garbage bag behind an arby's

parties aren't as fun when you're partnered up. knowing that there's a 0 percent chance of going home at the end of the night with someone i just met at the beginning of the night puts a damper on things

my naked neighbor finally closed his blinds :( do you think it's because of the sign i taped to my window that said "i love what you've done with your hog"

baseball is at its best as an ionesconian expression of tragic absurdity. they should make them all play nude

i will never watch baseball but i am going to miss everyone's baseball skeets when the season is over. it's fun to try to figure out what's happening based on a bunch of posts that just say "oh my god" and "fuck fuck fuck"

a scrooge costume (long hat, nightgown, candle, the works)

i believe that there's a loneliness epidemic but it's jarring to hear so many people talk about it when i personally spend most of my time desperately trying to avoid doing things with my friends and loved ones so i can hang out at home by myself dressed like this

thinking about skipping tonight's halloween party as a special treat for myself

i hope death is like falling asleep forever. i'm going to be really annoyed if i die and then discover that the afterlife is pushups

shark rainbow: a rainbow just for sharks

i need people to stop falling in love with chatbots. it makes me too sad

The president and his biggest boosters have never had a moment of self reflection in their lives and are trying to avoid thinking about their mortality by engaging in wanton cruelty and desperate grasping for material wealth. Their empty existence would be pitiful if it wasn't also our problem

Adults should be able to have a grown up trick or treat where they do get a bunch of sharp things and drugs, and then also alot of boring grown up things like boneless skinless chicken breasts and saline nasal spray

the patron saint of getting eiffel towered

sometimes i agonize over the use of a comma or the correct placement of an apostrophe and then i remember that nobody can read anymore

(pivoting to a life of grifting) all this talk about male pattern baldness when we should be talking about male pattern wellness

This entire "the Dems need to abandon identity and focus on economics!" discourse is being driven by rich assholes who would melt down at the slightest hint of higher taxes on the wealthy or more welfare for the poor. Look how they're treating Mamdani! It's cynical bullshit all the way down.

every year my friend throws a halloween party and every year i'm like "i'll just go for an hour to be polite" and then hey presto pesto it's 3 am and i'm blacked out

halloween is the best holiday because it’s the one that’s the most community focused. also because it’s the horniest

it does kind of make me sad every halloween that we live in an apartment building instead of somewhere where we can pass out candy to trick or treaters. i'd love to see all the kids' costumes and watch their little faces light up as i drop a lamb and beef gyro into their trick or treat bag

My favorite part of Halloween is going around the table and saying what we're all spooky for

i’m a thin-skinned libertarian cryptofascist who melts down at the slightest whiff of criticism from the user base of my website. time to add a ‘dislike post’ button and take a big sip of coffee,

if you want fresh coconut pick one off a tree

hey now, almond joys are good

i love the term atmospheric river. i know it's just rain but it's so evocative. makes me think of a miyazaki movie

i found a running chainsaw hidden in my daughter's almond joy

boy do i love a pet in a halloween costume

it's so fun to lie on your back and scream. babies have it all figured out

i am too tired for it to be halloween weekend. i do not want to get dressed up and have party conversations, i want to lay facedown in bed