Molly Lizardbreath

Why stop at an hour? Have some fun with it. Turn your clocks back 6 hours. A whole day. Light your clocks on fire. Incinerate time. Do your part to unmake the universe.

The Boomerest Millennial

Pinned chat message that says "and don't say voice to text, what is a mouth if not the fingers of the face"

My friends said I was crazy

An orange cat lit from below by bright purple string lights. The color is oversaturated, his eyes are black and very spooky.

He's seen how you die. Whether you want to know your fate or wish to remain unburdened, the cost is the same-- treats plz

Orange cat with feets tucked under

Orange cat good

Great idea- Hinder's "Lips of an Angel" on kazoo at a funeral

I go out with friends who enjoy their $2 beer specials all night and I have my one $8 mocktail and then switch to water like "thanks but I'm driving"

How is not drinking this expensive???

Is there a vertigo that is for too sideways?

Keeping a carton of veggie broth in my purse in case I get thirsty (savory)

Things are finally starting to look up for me but all the bad energy still needs an outlet and that outlet is every single red light in existence, especially the very long ones. This is an acceptable trade-off.

A copy of the excellent sci-fi novel Me and the Machine by Wesley Watts sitting atop a book by some lady named Joyce James

@wesleywatts.bsky.social spotted in the wild (my mother-in-law's house)

I got a job despite a massive employment gap just by babbling at the hiring manager about all the neat little things I've been learning from free workshops at the library

Jerry no

When no one could track down one particular classmate to invite her to the ten year reunion, I dialed her parents' number from memory, had a nice chat with her mom, and got her contact info. I'm 43 now and still remember all my childhood friends' numbers.

Every time I list "time management" as a skill on a job application it becomes a bigger lie.

IF I'M EVEN STILL ALIVE

I'll eat some wet mangoes in the morning just in case that's the antidote

"Died of dried mango poisoning" has really risen in the ranks for ways I might go out

Hey chat what's the best way to lift just like a regular curse

I can't imagine I ever said I didn't understand that. I live with him, I talk to you all the time, it's really not hard to understand.

All I can think is that this is the best and worst toilet to throw up in, worst because it would be very upsetting, best for the same reason and you'd get it over with pretty quickly. Maybe it's just me

I don't know what I expected but it wasn't this

I cannot believe there were 162,999 other Jeffs out there

Orange cat in a white laundry basket. His mouth is obscured by the rim of the basket. His expression is vacant; he does not have the braincell today

Another stint in Dummy Jail

A fluffy tabby batting at a branch on a potted shrub on a shelf where cat is not supposed to be

A fluffy tabby exploring a potted shrub on a shelf where cat is not supposed to be

A fluffy tabby examining the string lights on a potted shrub on a shelf where cat is not supposed to be

A fluffy tabby sniffing a branch of a potted shrub on a shelf where cat is not supposed to be

I know who's NOT getting raptured today

@heavydishongry.bsky.social are you writing these?

In Ohio too. We voted to protect abortion and they were like, surely they didn't actually mean to pass that? And tried to change the state constitution to just undo it but we outvoted them on that too.

MASTER OF MANIPULATION

He has been caught in the act far too many times for me to suspect anyone else. Beeby's crimes are more sophisticated, more subtle.

Four cats (tuxedo, black, orange, and gray tabby*) surrounding a pile of loose toilet paper *The suspect

They all just watched him do it